for goodness sake please don't any o'how use the term
"commit suicide" to deliver a news about a person who
attempted suicide.
yesterday, my heart sank when a fren called to tell me
another fren commited suicide. i thought to myself
"shit! she died!" my God help me,, how?!?
then i asked: "what happened!?"
then the person explained that she is rushing to the
hospital to check out the status of our fren.
"she's ok?"
"her dad says she's unconscious"
"oh, so she's unconscious?"
"ya. im going there now...how?"
(wa lau, i thought. please dont EVER say that the person committed
suicide when it is ATTEMPTED suicide OK!!!)
becos it is NO joke.
once i had an aunt who committed suicide. she died, yes she died.
so please dont call me on the phone to tell me who and who
committed suicide becos it is a very very difficult piece of news to
digest.
*sigh*
the only thing that can drive a person to suicide is perhaps
the delusion of love lost. i dunno,, dont ask me. i really dont
know where their courage comes from. to die.
****
ok ok it's christmas and i should be cheery.
i've got lots of parties to go to. many house parties. yes.
dressing up and all that glitters is all gold. hahaha.
k, im feeling rather down actually. cos im rather in debt.
and i feel pathetic when i cant spend $$. and i feel pathetic
when i do spend money. either way, i am pathetic.
so.... how.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
crying dreams
you know those dreams where you cry in your sleep
and at the same time, cry in real?
ya, one of those very perplexing things.
I haven’t had this for a long time,
crying in your dream, being so emotional and crying for real
This morning was a struggle. Half awake, half asleep but just very angry.
I hate that kind of frustration.
You want to blame someone and yet you know it’s best to forgive.
My dream was about me being “CCV” (close circuit video-ed). Dream setting was at my old home, my mom’s home. There was this pin-hole needle head lens that was camouflaged behind the ceiling lighting that has a complicated design. Turn out to be that my bloody sick-minded neighbour was viewing me and my family. He even kept burned CDs of our lifestyle. And if that’s not all, my uncle knew about it. When I wanted to expose the scheme, my uncle stopped me. Then it dawned on me that he knew and just kept mum abt it. Heck. How could he, as my uncle condone to such a maniac act? And to make matter far far worse, my godma knew abt it too! Heck. I strangled everyone I saw. I strangled them on the neck and as I strangled them, I cried. Cried and thought to myself, how could they? How could they know and not do anything? I am their niece/ god-daughter/ whatever/ so how could they possibly say that they love me when they bloody hell didn’t do anything to protect me? Worse still, now that I want to expose the hell neighbour, they didn’t support me. Freak. I was very very hurt.
So ya. I cried.
***
The truth is that there was such an encounter.
But I didn’t strangle anyone.
Perhaps that’s why im still hurting inside.
***
When I was young, I had this neighbour who was a police man.
He lived at the corner unit next to my old place. HDB.
When I was 7-10yrs old, his wife and him would bring me out with their son. They would bring me to their family reunion, shopping, hawker etc. healthy nice neighbour or so I thought.
His wife and my mom were rather close friends. Quite ok, chatty and friendly.
His mother was the neighbourhood’s “kuey seller” (selling steamed cakes in the hawker centre). They have a good reputation and were widely accepted in the entire Singapore River Old Neighbour Clan. (our forefathers were all Singapore River Merchant settlers)
He is also the RC member, you know grassroots member that kind of PAP activities.
So ya, you see, they are the model average family in my neighbourhood.
I don’t know when it started but there was one nite I caught him peering into my house’s windows. I was returning home and came out from the lift, so it was quite an unexpected arrival and he jumped up in fright. i was 16-17.
He didn’t back off. In fact, he became bolder. One bloody morning as I woke up to go to school like 6am I think.. those impossible school days.. there was this torn-off page from some prono magazine being slipped into my windows landing on my window still. Fuck that bloody hell person. I was too shocked to do anything. Another nite, I was returning to my bedroom and I saw half a head from the glass panel of my window. I tried to scream but because I was drinking water and my mouth was full, I couldn’t. hell.
Every time we catch him peeping into our house, he will pretend to be bending over to do some stretching exercise. You know, bend and touch your feet that kind of warm-up exercise. I said “we” because my parents also caught him in the act.
But we tolerated.
The last straw was when he pretended to be painting the pipes outside his house. Yes he was painting I can see but he was painting and peering all the fucking time. I closed all the windows and hid under the window, ready to surprise him. When I saw his bloody shadows lurking at the window again, I pulled open the window in full force. Stood up and looked him in his bloody eyes. He jumped out of his skin and fell back. But he recovered in 30secs. He starred right back at me. That was when I decided to call the police. The mistake I made was that I called my mom before I called the police. My mom asked me to drop it. She said he is stressed from work and is unhealthy-minded. We must forgive when we can. I was fuming mad and argued with her. But she begged me not to create trouble. By then, I was considering too many things to have taken action. The neighbour’s son is my sis’ classmate, his wife is my mom’s friend, he is in the same RC as my dad, and his old mother is old and had stroke. So do I want to put him in hot soup knowing that he is a police officer and might be in double jeopardy. In the end, I didn’t call the police.
Whatever the case, they moved out 2 years after that incident.
***
Till now, I am still angry. With him and with my parents for being so weak and for not giving me the support when I very much needed. And with myself for being so weak. I really shouldn’t care about his welfare. But I cared about his family’s welfare. They were innocent. They were living with a monster.
If time were to rewind and I have this opportunity to set things right, I might end up not calling the police at all. But I would gather evidence and show to his wife.
I know that in life, there are no clear cut right and wrong, black or white. It is always grey. But I am angry that I didn’t get the support to right some wrong.
This is probably why I had this terrible dream.
and at the same time, cry in real?
ya, one of those very perplexing things.
I haven’t had this for a long time,
crying in your dream, being so emotional and crying for real
This morning was a struggle. Half awake, half asleep but just very angry.
I hate that kind of frustration.
You want to blame someone and yet you know it’s best to forgive.
My dream was about me being “CCV” (close circuit video-ed). Dream setting was at my old home, my mom’s home. There was this pin-hole needle head lens that was camouflaged behind the ceiling lighting that has a complicated design. Turn out to be that my bloody sick-minded neighbour was viewing me and my family. He even kept burned CDs of our lifestyle. And if that’s not all, my uncle knew about it. When I wanted to expose the scheme, my uncle stopped me. Then it dawned on me that he knew and just kept mum abt it. Heck. How could he, as my uncle condone to such a maniac act? And to make matter far far worse, my godma knew abt it too! Heck. I strangled everyone I saw. I strangled them on the neck and as I strangled them, I cried. Cried and thought to myself, how could they? How could they know and not do anything? I am their niece/ god-daughter/ whatever/ so how could they possibly say that they love me when they bloody hell didn’t do anything to protect me? Worse still, now that I want to expose the hell neighbour, they didn’t support me. Freak. I was very very hurt.
So ya. I cried.
***
The truth is that there was such an encounter.
But I didn’t strangle anyone.
Perhaps that’s why im still hurting inside.
***
When I was young, I had this neighbour who was a police man.
He lived at the corner unit next to my old place. HDB.
When I was 7-10yrs old, his wife and him would bring me out with their son. They would bring me to their family reunion, shopping, hawker etc. healthy nice neighbour or so I thought.
His wife and my mom were rather close friends. Quite ok, chatty and friendly.
His mother was the neighbourhood’s “kuey seller” (selling steamed cakes in the hawker centre). They have a good reputation and were widely accepted in the entire Singapore River Old Neighbour Clan. (our forefathers were all Singapore River Merchant settlers)
He is also the RC member, you know grassroots member that kind of PAP activities.
So ya, you see, they are the model average family in my neighbourhood.
I don’t know when it started but there was one nite I caught him peering into my house’s windows. I was returning home and came out from the lift, so it was quite an unexpected arrival and he jumped up in fright. i was 16-17.
He didn’t back off. In fact, he became bolder. One bloody morning as I woke up to go to school like 6am I think.. those impossible school days.. there was this torn-off page from some prono magazine being slipped into my windows landing on my window still. Fuck that bloody hell person. I was too shocked to do anything. Another nite, I was returning to my bedroom and I saw half a head from the glass panel of my window. I tried to scream but because I was drinking water and my mouth was full, I couldn’t. hell.
Every time we catch him peeping into our house, he will pretend to be bending over to do some stretching exercise. You know, bend and touch your feet that kind of warm-up exercise. I said “we” because my parents also caught him in the act.
But we tolerated.
The last straw was when he pretended to be painting the pipes outside his house. Yes he was painting I can see but he was painting and peering all the fucking time. I closed all the windows and hid under the window, ready to surprise him. When I saw his bloody shadows lurking at the window again, I pulled open the window in full force. Stood up and looked him in his bloody eyes. He jumped out of his skin and fell back. But he recovered in 30secs. He starred right back at me. That was when I decided to call the police. The mistake I made was that I called my mom before I called the police. My mom asked me to drop it. She said he is stressed from work and is unhealthy-minded. We must forgive when we can. I was fuming mad and argued with her. But she begged me not to create trouble. By then, I was considering too many things to have taken action. The neighbour’s son is my sis’ classmate, his wife is my mom’s friend, he is in the same RC as my dad, and his old mother is old and had stroke. So do I want to put him in hot soup knowing that he is a police officer and might be in double jeopardy. In the end, I didn’t call the police.
Whatever the case, they moved out 2 years after that incident.
***
Till now, I am still angry. With him and with my parents for being so weak and for not giving me the support when I very much needed. And with myself for being so weak. I really shouldn’t care about his welfare. But I cared about his family’s welfare. They were innocent. They were living with a monster.
If time were to rewind and I have this opportunity to set things right, I might end up not calling the police at all. But I would gather evidence and show to his wife.
I know that in life, there are no clear cut right and wrong, black or white. It is always grey. But I am angry that I didn’t get the support to right some wrong.
This is probably why I had this terrible dream.
Friday, December 10, 2004
bah bah black sheep
my favourite kid in school this practicum is Daven Chua
initially, it was neutral. just normal liking.
then, i grew to LOVE him. he is just so crapy. like me.
you know, it is not easy being crapy. ya ya, people laugh
at you or your jokes but it takes a sense of humour to be crapy,
so ya, i really like Daven Chua.
you see what he's doing? he's playing "dead"
everyone was so bored, they started running around
and chasing each other. SUDDENLY, daven dropped onto the
floor, sprawled and motionless. his friends cheered! they
all laugh and shout and cheered while he was so still.
see how clever daven is? he could act.
oh, you know one disgusting thing that daven loves to
do is to chew and keep food in his mouth for HOURS.
no lah, probably 20mins. and 20mins is ENOUGH to kill me.
he would be playing with his friends, he would play like
normal but his mouth would be closed and he'll be mute.
i was puzzled, and asked: "what's that in your mouth?"
of course he couldn't speak, he would then, tilt his head back,
angle his mouth in a way that the LIQUID concoction does
not spill from his mouth. LIQUID concoction is the digested
version of bread, bun or anything in the form of pastry.
i have NEVER seen,, you know, bread in pure watery format.
i almost puked. daven thought it was funny and i fell to his
trick twice. ya. silly me. i forgot daven is crapy.
but i like him a lot. who else could have the intelligence to
play dead so well.
akirah's mom is a school teacher in the centre.
i didn't know that. ever since i laid eyes on akirah,
i was mesmerized. she is so very pretty. very very sweet.
almond shaped face, captivating eyes. and very long eye lashes.
her mom brought her for audition to be baby model. but akirah
was too tensed and afraid of strangers. emmm. i told her mom
it's ok. she can be model when she grows up. watch that face.
there was this teacher-- Siti, who was so sweet.
she asked how old am i and i said 30 but for the last day.
know what? the next day she bought me a cake. well a piece of cake
not the whole cake. but i could share it with her and another
part-time teacher--Yani. Yani is another sweet teacher though
initially i didnt think too much of her. (becos i am generally not
a sociable person and i dont bother to go around asking ppe even for
their name. i can work in a place for years without socializing,, so ya
i am private in nature) k, back to Yani-- she saved a pigeon who was
bitten by a cat. the pigeon was bleeding and she carefully placed it
into a box and nursed it. so ya,, i am impressed by her kindness.
oh -- talking abt being private. there is this old teacher-- abt 50plus plus
plus-- who probably asked me my life's history for the 5 days she was
with me. i am just being nice, so everything she asked, i said yes.
wa haha. she asked if i earn $5K a month, i said "ah, sometimes lor depends
on my commission lor." her eyes widened and asked "so sometimes 3, 4 or 5K?
again i said -- ah depends lor.
hahahaha why deny.
*****
emmm
the other 2 cakes are bought by my old frens at ex work place.
so nice of them. they insisted buying me dinner and i feel so very fortunate
whenever i have marvelicious food.
you know,, i am actually very touched with all the sms and BD greetings
i get from my frens and cousins and sista. and my mom.
she called me today to wish me happy BD cos today is my lunar BD.
ya lunar BD also celebrate. i actually celebrate my BD for a week, plus
the lunar BD. like CNY we celebrate for 15 days,,, my BD is for a week.
good rite?
actually i was touched by my mom not becos she called to wish me
but becos we called, despite we had a fight just 3 days ago.
ya ya. my mom & i still fight.
***
today i was at sentosa's office. their reception really reminds me
of my bintan days. rustic, yellow walls, teak furniture. nice laid
back ambience.
k-- they had a pair of parrots
very cute, nice colour. especially its beak. looks like it is made
of wax. the male parrot is a stealer. he fights with his mate and
steals food from his mate's mouth. after she has done the hard
work of picking, and breaking and peeling off the shells.
****
k-- boring you already.
im going for a workshop tomorrow & sunday.
9-6 ... totally shut off from the world again.
you know, when you're in any workshop for full days or in conferences
for a few full days,...... the world passes you by without your part taking.
you come out of it a bit disoriented. well,,, at least i've always felt like
that.
initially, it was neutral. just normal liking.
then, i grew to LOVE him. he is just so crapy. like me.
you know, it is not easy being crapy. ya ya, people laugh
at you or your jokes but it takes a sense of humour to be crapy,
so ya, i really like Daven Chua.
you see what he's doing? he's playing "dead"
everyone was so bored, they started running around
and chasing each other. SUDDENLY, daven dropped onto the
floor, sprawled and motionless. his friends cheered! they
all laugh and shout and cheered while he was so still.
see how clever daven is? he could act.
oh, you know one disgusting thing that daven loves to
do is to chew and keep food in his mouth for HOURS.
no lah, probably 20mins. and 20mins is ENOUGH to kill me.
he would be playing with his friends, he would play like
normal but his mouth would be closed and he'll be mute.
i was puzzled, and asked: "what's that in your mouth?"
of course he couldn't speak, he would then, tilt his head back,
angle his mouth in a way that the LIQUID concoction does
not spill from his mouth. LIQUID concoction is the digested
version of bread, bun or anything in the form of pastry.
i have NEVER seen,, you know, bread in pure watery format.
i almost puked. daven thought it was funny and i fell to his
trick twice. ya. silly me. i forgot daven is crapy.
but i like him a lot. who else could have the intelligence to
play dead so well.
akirah's mom is a school teacher in the centre.
i didn't know that. ever since i laid eyes on akirah,
i was mesmerized. she is so very pretty. very very sweet.
almond shaped face, captivating eyes. and very long eye lashes.
her mom brought her for audition to be baby model. but akirah
was too tensed and afraid of strangers. emmm. i told her mom
it's ok. she can be model when she grows up. watch that face.
there was this teacher-- Siti, who was so sweet.
she asked how old am i and i said 30 but for the last day.
know what? the next day she bought me a cake. well a piece of cake
not the whole cake. but i could share it with her and another
part-time teacher--Yani. Yani is another sweet teacher though
initially i didnt think too much of her. (becos i am generally not
a sociable person and i dont bother to go around asking ppe even for
their name. i can work in a place for years without socializing,, so ya
i am private in nature) k, back to Yani-- she saved a pigeon who was
bitten by a cat. the pigeon was bleeding and she carefully placed it
into a box and nursed it. so ya,, i am impressed by her kindness.
oh -- talking abt being private. there is this old teacher-- abt 50plus plus
plus-- who probably asked me my life's history for the 5 days she was
with me. i am just being nice, so everything she asked, i said yes.
wa haha. she asked if i earn $5K a month, i said "ah, sometimes lor depends
on my commission lor." her eyes widened and asked "so sometimes 3, 4 or 5K?
again i said -- ah depends lor.
hahahaha why deny.
*****
emmm
the other 2 cakes are bought by my old frens at ex work place.
so nice of them. they insisted buying me dinner and i feel so very fortunate
whenever i have marvelicious food.
you know,, i am actually very touched with all the sms and BD greetings
i get from my frens and cousins and sista. and my mom.
she called me today to wish me happy BD cos today is my lunar BD.
ya lunar BD also celebrate. i actually celebrate my BD for a week, plus
the lunar BD. like CNY we celebrate for 15 days,,, my BD is for a week.
good rite?
actually i was touched by my mom not becos she called to wish me
but becos we called, despite we had a fight just 3 days ago.
ya ya. my mom & i still fight.
***
today i was at sentosa's office. their reception really reminds me
of my bintan days. rustic, yellow walls, teak furniture. nice laid
back ambience.
k-- they had a pair of parrots
very cute, nice colour. especially its beak. looks like it is made
of wax. the male parrot is a stealer. he fights with his mate and
steals food from his mate's mouth. after she has done the hard
work of picking, and breaking and peeling off the shells.
****
k-- boring you already.
im going for a workshop tomorrow & sunday.
9-6 ... totally shut off from the world again.
you know, when you're in any workshop for full days or in conferences
for a few full days,...... the world passes you by without your part taking.
you come out of it a bit disoriented. well,,, at least i've always felt like
that.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Mass suicide
i was horrified
know what happened?? i bought 10 fishes for my practicum exams.
there were beautiful and i adored them. grey-silky and small.
but 2 died. i was horrified. i dare not look at them. and my
stupid husband is not sympathetic at all!!! he is sympathetic to the
fishes but not me! he was angry that i didnt take care of the fishes.
i did, i swear. i went to the aquarium shop, talked to the fella,
learnt to add salt to the water, oxydise the water for over a day before
i brought the fishes home. crushed those too big pellets, bought smaller
pellets to feed them. they were fine and settling down but i couldnt stand
the sight of any fish swaying a little or tilting to the side. one of them
was tilting for 4 days and every day i prayed for it to get well.
there am i conquering my fear and taking care of them.
we even bought a side-table just to put the fish tank.
then one day, all was well and fine and alive and lively.
i was happy. i talked to them and they were also happy.
i told them that they were really beautiful eventhough they are sometimes
being bought as food for arawanas (cos they're cheap, 80 cents)
but the water was too cloudy. so i went to the shop to ask how to
change water. he said change only half a tank. add one tablespoon of salt.
i did that and ALL fucking fishes died! i am traumatized. i can back to
see 8 dead bodies. i am so fucking dead.
i cant see dead things, i'll feel so sad i'll cry. and fishes especially?
their eyes are like starring at you. they died peaceless. is it mad to think like that?
i always feel so terrified to think that they are catching their last breath.
like gasping for air.
sometimes, even if you did everything right, it'll still be wrong. it is not up to us i guess.
my BD came and went.
i used to feel very lousy about myself generally and especially harsh and critical of myself during my BD period. i would say that i was fat, useless, underachiever, blah blah blah and that i was doom.
i am glad im over it. i have learned to love myself.
you know, whatever you think of yourself, it's true.
i cant begin to tell you what kind of transformation ive had but ive had.
so ya, sometimes im still jackle and hyde. sometimes the darker side gets a hold of me. but you know what? i know and have finally got the wisdom to tell them apart. to know when i am up, when i am down, i know what triggers me, what motivates me, and mainly, it is both all about me and not about me all the time. i know i get angry, i know i have enormous capacity for love. in fact, infinte love.
do you know how i live? once, someone asked me to do "death meditation"
i said what's that?
he said, pretend that today is the last day of your life. what are you gonna do?
i didnt do the death meditation as suggested but i did work backwards.
i thought to myself, who are the people who will be at my funeral? what will be said at my funeral? how much joy have i added to their lives? have i significantly helped someone in their lives? i want them to celebrate, and to rejoice my existance and to live their own lives as they wish. i want them to be happy to have known me. and cry only for a few short moments. (if they feel like crying la) and dont cry becos i died tragically or that i left my family behind etc etc. no no. they can take care of themselve la.
once, i know of a lady who wrote her own obituary. she is the wife of my fren. she was going for a risky operation and her chances were 50. she said she had lived a beautiful life and she is a flamboyant person, very showy, so she said her funeral must be a ball. she wrote all instructions for her husband. where and how to manage their household, their accounts, their kid's sch etc. who to invite for the funeral. yes. she was detailed. she is brave.
k-- shopping time. im gone shopping for MAC. yes. i want the whole set of make-up, im tired of my cheapo brands. tried, tested, failed. so..... look for solution la! try something else.
see you soon
know what happened?? i bought 10 fishes for my practicum exams.
there were beautiful and i adored them. grey-silky and small.
but 2 died. i was horrified. i dare not look at them. and my
stupid husband is not sympathetic at all!!! he is sympathetic to the
fishes but not me! he was angry that i didnt take care of the fishes.
i did, i swear. i went to the aquarium shop, talked to the fella,
learnt to add salt to the water, oxydise the water for over a day before
i brought the fishes home. crushed those too big pellets, bought smaller
pellets to feed them. they were fine and settling down but i couldnt stand
the sight of any fish swaying a little or tilting to the side. one of them
was tilting for 4 days and every day i prayed for it to get well.
there am i conquering my fear and taking care of them.
we even bought a side-table just to put the fish tank.
then one day, all was well and fine and alive and lively.
i was happy. i talked to them and they were also happy.
i told them that they were really beautiful eventhough they are sometimes
being bought as food for arawanas (cos they're cheap, 80 cents)
but the water was too cloudy. so i went to the shop to ask how to
change water. he said change only half a tank. add one tablespoon of salt.
i did that and ALL fucking fishes died! i am traumatized. i can back to
see 8 dead bodies. i am so fucking dead.
i cant see dead things, i'll feel so sad i'll cry. and fishes especially?
their eyes are like starring at you. they died peaceless. is it mad to think like that?
i always feel so terrified to think that they are catching their last breath.
like gasping for air.
sometimes, even if you did everything right, it'll still be wrong. it is not up to us i guess.
my BD came and went.
i used to feel very lousy about myself generally and especially harsh and critical of myself during my BD period. i would say that i was fat, useless, underachiever, blah blah blah and that i was doom.
i am glad im over it. i have learned to love myself.
you know, whatever you think of yourself, it's true.
i cant begin to tell you what kind of transformation ive had but ive had.
so ya, sometimes im still jackle and hyde. sometimes the darker side gets a hold of me. but you know what? i know and have finally got the wisdom to tell them apart. to know when i am up, when i am down, i know what triggers me, what motivates me, and mainly, it is both all about me and not about me all the time. i know i get angry, i know i have enormous capacity for love. in fact, infinte love.
do you know how i live? once, someone asked me to do "death meditation"
i said what's that?
he said, pretend that today is the last day of your life. what are you gonna do?
i didnt do the death meditation as suggested but i did work backwards.
i thought to myself, who are the people who will be at my funeral? what will be said at my funeral? how much joy have i added to their lives? have i significantly helped someone in their lives? i want them to celebrate, and to rejoice my existance and to live their own lives as they wish. i want them to be happy to have known me. and cry only for a few short moments. (if they feel like crying la) and dont cry becos i died tragically or that i left my family behind etc etc. no no. they can take care of themselve la.
once, i know of a lady who wrote her own obituary. she is the wife of my fren. she was going for a risky operation and her chances were 50. she said she had lived a beautiful life and she is a flamboyant person, very showy, so she said her funeral must be a ball. she wrote all instructions for her husband. where and how to manage their household, their accounts, their kid's sch etc. who to invite for the funeral. yes. she was detailed. she is brave.
k-- shopping time. im gone shopping for MAC. yes. i want the whole set of make-up, im tired of my cheapo brands. tried, tested, failed. so..... look for solution la! try something else.
see you soon
Sunday, November 21, 2004
See the mooncakes?
you see the mooncakes?
i throughly enjoyed this particular lesson--
it was dough making class.
we had to make dough from flour and salt.
plus some veg dyes. we mixed the colours to get
the various colours we wanted.
our group set up an ice cream palour. we had so many
types of ice creams---- sobert as well as ice cream mooncakes.
i am good at thinking up the design, hence i leave the production
work to my members. i would then dress up the ice creams
with mush mellows, cream, icing sugar and lay them out on
plates.
the mooncakes are my proudest creation. they look almost
like the real thing and im just so excited knowing what
i can do with flour. =)
i throughly enjoyed this particular lesson--
it was dough making class.
we had to make dough from flour and salt.
plus some veg dyes. we mixed the colours to get
the various colours we wanted.
our group set up an ice cream palour. we had so many
types of ice creams---- sobert as well as ice cream mooncakes.
i am good at thinking up the design, hence i leave the production
work to my members. i would then dress up the ice creams
with mush mellows, cream, icing sugar and lay them out on
plates.
the mooncakes are my proudest creation. they look almost
like the real thing and im just so excited knowing what
i can do with flour. =)
i've passed!
a big load is off me now.
i've just passed my practical exam as a childcare teacher.
yeah!!!
i was totally nervous. given my very very packed work schedule,
i am amazed i've got everything in, in time.
you see, i was working on a conference for the last 3 weeks
and conference ended on 16thNOV.
immediately the next morning, i transformed myself into -- voola!
childcare teacher. (*again).
that same nite, i painted my posters for learning centres-- literacy corner,
science corner and constructive play corner. the theme was on animal,
hence i went to buy 10 tiger-fishes in a fish tank, for my science corner.
it was madness. the children ALLLLL wanted to feed the fishes at the same
time. *stress stress... got to negotiate with them to take turns.
the criteria was to see if i can occupy the children for half an hour.
wau lau-- 15 mins was the max. i thought to myself, this is the longest
half hour i ever had..... luckily there was saviour -- LEGO. yes lego blocks
jumbo size (for toddlers 3yrs old). they were at least occupied for another
10mins.
anyway-- my lecturer was pleased with me. she likes my art work.
good thing i scored distinction at her art module. 68or 69/70 i cant remember.
she said: "you are ok. i know your work" (i was like-- what work?!?)
oh,,, my art work.
*phew* im saved.
so anyway-- more reports to do now before i officially graduate in FEB next year.
still got class and attachments, but at least, im mentally FREE.
*****
i was at my cousin's wedding last nite. was at raffles hotel.
nice and vintage and per table cost like $1300?
anyway-- my cousin has got loads of support from his elder siblings. heard that
2 of his siblings gave him $10K angbow each. that is $20K off his bill already.
isnt it great to have siblings like that?
i wish by the time my sis gets married, i can do the same and more.
no need to be competitive you'll say. ya. of course no need to be competitive.
but wouldn't everyone wants to do their best for their siblings?
there is no doubt that my cousin-clan is divided. basically, one family
of cousins and the rest of us are divided.
you see-- they are among the eldest of the 3rd generation and we all came later.
from young, they went to "branded" schools, learnt piano, value-added lessons,
had birthday parties, had everything new.
their mom called the shots. our mothers listened. (see the diff?)
we had hand-me-downs, we had fun, we were clueless. and we all lived next
door to one another, but we were the poor ones.
over years, we grew alieniated. of course we still do meet at family gatherings
but our interest and conversations didnt have any depth.
but we are very much connected still because all our parents are still very
close to each other. they are all siblings for that matter.
i am the bridging generation that is very much in-touch with the older ones
and the younger ones. i always tell the younger ones to make an effort to
get to know the older ones. becos i remember the good times i had with them.
not easy for the younger batch to understand though, since they really didnt
have much of fond memories of the older cousins.
so, like america, we are divided.
and im afraid we might not be able to really be One.
*****
i've just passed my practical exam as a childcare teacher.
yeah!!!
i was totally nervous. given my very very packed work schedule,
i am amazed i've got everything in, in time.
you see, i was working on a conference for the last 3 weeks
and conference ended on 16thNOV.
immediately the next morning, i transformed myself into -- voola!
childcare teacher. (*again).
that same nite, i painted my posters for learning centres-- literacy corner,
science corner and constructive play corner. the theme was on animal,
hence i went to buy 10 tiger-fishes in a fish tank, for my science corner.
it was madness. the children ALLLLL wanted to feed the fishes at the same
time. *stress stress... got to negotiate with them to take turns.
the criteria was to see if i can occupy the children for half an hour.
wau lau-- 15 mins was the max. i thought to myself, this is the longest
half hour i ever had..... luckily there was saviour -- LEGO. yes lego blocks
jumbo size (for toddlers 3yrs old). they were at least occupied for another
10mins.
anyway-- my lecturer was pleased with me. she likes my art work.
good thing i scored distinction at her art module. 68or 69/70 i cant remember.
she said: "you are ok. i know your work" (i was like-- what work?!?)
oh,,, my art work.
*phew* im saved.
so anyway-- more reports to do now before i officially graduate in FEB next year.
still got class and attachments, but at least, im mentally FREE.
*****
i was at my cousin's wedding last nite. was at raffles hotel.
nice and vintage and per table cost like $1300?
anyway-- my cousin has got loads of support from his elder siblings. heard that
2 of his siblings gave him $10K angbow each. that is $20K off his bill already.
isnt it great to have siblings like that?
i wish by the time my sis gets married, i can do the same and more.
no need to be competitive you'll say. ya. of course no need to be competitive.
but wouldn't everyone wants to do their best for their siblings?
there is no doubt that my cousin-clan is divided. basically, one family
of cousins and the rest of us are divided.
you see-- they are among the eldest of the 3rd generation and we all came later.
from young, they went to "branded" schools, learnt piano, value-added lessons,
had birthday parties, had everything new.
their mom called the shots. our mothers listened. (see the diff?)
we had hand-me-downs, we had fun, we were clueless. and we all lived next
door to one another, but we were the poor ones.
over years, we grew alieniated. of course we still do meet at family gatherings
but our interest and conversations didnt have any depth.
but we are very much connected still because all our parents are still very
close to each other. they are all siblings for that matter.
i am the bridging generation that is very much in-touch with the older ones
and the younger ones. i always tell the younger ones to make an effort to
get to know the older ones. becos i remember the good times i had with them.
not easy for the younger batch to understand though, since they really didnt
have much of fond memories of the older cousins.
so, like america, we are divided.
and im afraid we might not be able to really be One.
*****
Monday, October 18, 2004
stairways to heaven
caution:
for those who would be watching this korean drama,
pls skip this blog entry.
this morning i woke up with puffy eyes... very puffy, it's like my
eye LIDS are filled with water. *sigh* there goes all eye masking
efforts. and i look ugly..... you know why? not just are my eyes
puffy,,, your nothing-better-to-do friend -- that's me, trimmed her
eye lashes. @#!! gosh $#@! what was i thinking! i trimmed my
EYE LASHES for goodness sake. it is now very short, and pricky
and when i wash my face, my lashes pricks my face!
you know, i was just being adventurous (spelling?)
my beautician said that for eye lashes to grow even longer, you've
got to trim it a little,,, but i trimmed A LOT. well well.
so ive got puffy eyes and nearly no eye lashes. *can faint*
i thought mascara would work but i was not quite right.
ok back to stairways to heaven. we all know abt the usual
brother-sister forbidden love, the amenesia fate,
plus the usual cancer stricken sob story of the lifetime.
but this one, wow. i cant help but sob my eyes out!
the brother who loves the step sis so much, he got himself
killed in a car accident so that he can donate his eyes (cornea)
to his sis.... so ultimate. it isnt just like that. i hated him
(in the story) before, becos he was unreasonable. he coerced
the girl to be with him eg: he said "bring my poster colours to
the art competition, that will mean you love me. if you dont turn up,
i will never paint again (he was an excellent, talented artist)"
she think think think, and really wish he could persue his talent
(given that he was ill treated by his own mother) hence she delivered
his poster colours to him. that is rubbish. how can you make another
person responsible for your own life/happiness/career?
that's why i didnt like him. but.................. he made such sacrifice.
you may say that in real life, no one makes life sacrifices for his/her
love, but i think there is lor...... sucker right?
so ya. this is the end of my korean vcd days.. i dont want to cry anymore.
for those who would be watching this korean drama,
pls skip this blog entry.
this morning i woke up with puffy eyes... very puffy, it's like my
eye LIDS are filled with water. *sigh* there goes all eye masking
efforts. and i look ugly..... you know why? not just are my eyes
puffy,,, your nothing-better-to-do friend -- that's me, trimmed her
eye lashes. @#!! gosh $#@! what was i thinking! i trimmed my
EYE LASHES for goodness sake. it is now very short, and pricky
and when i wash my face, my lashes pricks my face!
you know, i was just being adventurous (spelling?)
my beautician said that for eye lashes to grow even longer, you've
got to trim it a little,,, but i trimmed A LOT. well well.
so ive got puffy eyes and nearly no eye lashes. *can faint*
i thought mascara would work but i was not quite right.
ok back to stairways to heaven. we all know abt the usual
brother-sister forbidden love, the amenesia fate,
plus the usual cancer stricken sob story of the lifetime.
but this one, wow. i cant help but sob my eyes out!
the brother who loves the step sis so much, he got himself
killed in a car accident so that he can donate his eyes (cornea)
to his sis.... so ultimate. it isnt just like that. i hated him
(in the story) before, becos he was unreasonable. he coerced
the girl to be with him eg: he said "bring my poster colours to
the art competition, that will mean you love me. if you dont turn up,
i will never paint again (he was an excellent, talented artist)"
she think think think, and really wish he could persue his talent
(given that he was ill treated by his own mother) hence she delivered
his poster colours to him. that is rubbish. how can you make another
person responsible for your own life/happiness/career?
that's why i didnt like him. but.................. he made such sacrifice.
you may say that in real life, no one makes life sacrifices for his/her
love, but i think there is lor...... sucker right?
so ya. this is the end of my korean vcd days.. i dont want to cry anymore.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
maksim
i am blasting maksim-- the piano player CD at office.
i love it but my colleagues all laugh.
they said that song -"exodus" is their grand father's favourite.
i say it is classical. honestly i am not a classical music person as i dont know what is what. but i really "zi wo tao jui" into maksim's music. and my other love is celtic.
i think that music is universal and i love those classics with new beat and synthetic mix (overlays of instruments) as well as trance effects. so u see, i am mambo jumbo in music.
music creates mood and effects. for a movie, an ad, a home or an office, a retail shop, a training workshop, blah blah mrt stations, hotel lobbies & lifts. blah blah spas. music completes the theme & feel.
just met a trainer this morning. he used to lecture at a uni and is now doing corporate in-house training as well as short workshops. DISC personality etc etc. behaviourial NLP also.
he is dynamic and a do-er. i like that. we are running his workshops so that all he does is to deliver the lessons. there are more that we are gonna do with him but i shalln't bore you with my work.
last lunch, we were all yaking about how things used to be before. you see there are this 2 temp ppe in our office who is 20yrs old. i am 30 and my other colleagues are 33 ++. so we are OLD ya. anyway-- we were saying how we hated the banana flavoured milk that the sch made us drink every week. the 33 yr-old one had the triangle-packaged milk (tetra pack) and mine was triangle changed to square box packed. the 20yr-olds were shocked to learn that firstly - there were triangle packaged milks and secondly-- how come we were forced to drink while they had to buy. i was shocked when my other colleague (33++) added that during her time, the milk was prepared instantly by the school care-taker,, in a big pail. all lumpy and disgusting they had to drink it. wah hahah. yucks. i hate lumpy milk. terrible.
it is interesting to note how things had evolved and changed over time. for some nostalgic reasons, my colleague bought a dial phone for her home. it brought back memories when she was young, they used those dial phones. then one day her friend was at her house and she needed to call a cab. it says "press 1 for english, 2 for chinese ..." but she couldn't "press 1". ah hahah. there is no # hex keys, no * star keys, you simply cant use a dial phone from 1960 in 2004. blah.
i am shocked to learn abt the cocaine ring in singapore -- real life, real people. and traffickers will be hanged. hanged. ok let it sit in, hang. and these are people whom we do come in contact with, in business or social. so ya, i am shocked. i dont know much abt drugs so i wonder if cocaine is those u sniff up the nasal. those you either do it expertly from the back of your hand or thru a straw? the only glimpse i get of it is on movies. and they show it shadowily . i think some ppe mix cocaine with their food? and consume it. im not sure. the only drug im on is caffine. from my daily morning coffee and sometimes nite coke. i dont do tea, so ya, caffine from coffee mostly. it is also drug becos im sleepy without it.
i love it but my colleagues all laugh.
they said that song -"exodus" is their grand father's favourite.
i say it is classical. honestly i am not a classical music person as i dont know what is what. but i really "zi wo tao jui" into maksim's music. and my other love is celtic.
i think that music is universal and i love those classics with new beat and synthetic mix (overlays of instruments) as well as trance effects. so u see, i am mambo jumbo in music.
music creates mood and effects. for a movie, an ad, a home or an office, a retail shop, a training workshop, blah blah mrt stations, hotel lobbies & lifts. blah blah spas. music completes the theme & feel.
just met a trainer this morning. he used to lecture at a uni and is now doing corporate in-house training as well as short workshops. DISC personality etc etc. behaviourial NLP also.
he is dynamic and a do-er. i like that. we are running his workshops so that all he does is to deliver the lessons. there are more that we are gonna do with him but i shalln't bore you with my work.
last lunch, we were all yaking about how things used to be before. you see there are this 2 temp ppe in our office who is 20yrs old. i am 30 and my other colleagues are 33 ++. so we are OLD ya. anyway-- we were saying how we hated the banana flavoured milk that the sch made us drink every week. the 33 yr-old one had the triangle-packaged milk (tetra pack) and mine was triangle changed to square box packed. the 20yr-olds were shocked to learn that firstly - there were triangle packaged milks and secondly-- how come we were forced to drink while they had to buy. i was shocked when my other colleague (33++) added that during her time, the milk was prepared instantly by the school care-taker,, in a big pail. all lumpy and disgusting they had to drink it. wah hahah. yucks. i hate lumpy milk. terrible.
it is interesting to note how things had evolved and changed over time. for some nostalgic reasons, my colleague bought a dial phone for her home. it brought back memories when she was young, they used those dial phones. then one day her friend was at her house and she needed to call a cab. it says "press 1 for english, 2 for chinese ..." but she couldn't "press 1". ah hahah. there is no # hex keys, no * star keys, you simply cant use a dial phone from 1960 in 2004. blah.
i am shocked to learn abt the cocaine ring in singapore -- real life, real people. and traffickers will be hanged. hanged. ok let it sit in, hang. and these are people whom we do come in contact with, in business or social. so ya, i am shocked. i dont know much abt drugs so i wonder if cocaine is those u sniff up the nasal. those you either do it expertly from the back of your hand or thru a straw? the only glimpse i get of it is on movies. and they show it shadowily . i think some ppe mix cocaine with their food? and consume it. im not sure. the only drug im on is caffine. from my daily morning coffee and sometimes nite coke. i dont do tea, so ya, caffine from coffee mostly. it is also drug becos im sleepy without it.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
police story
i was resistant to catch the "new police story" cos there were a lot of hype from CNA-- channel news asia. CNA was probably the official station kind of arrangement hence there were lots of coverage. and i dont like to be led by propaganda and the sort. but anyway-- i watched the movie lah. very stressful situations.. jackie went into a crackdown operation with his boys and they were all tortured to death and he had to watch them die helplessly. stressful right? one thing i like abt the show was how one simple thoughtfulness can positively effect another's life. like in the movie- nicholse tse's father was singer wu bai (everyone laughed). father and son, left with no money and no food no shelter. father went to seven-eleven it's a store and more, to steal a bun for hungry son. knocked down by on-coming lorry and died. young sons cries, poilce man Jackie said to young son, "boy, nothing is fair in this world. forget the misery and carry your life with strength". blah blah. it helps. at least that's how i wanna believe.
oh btw-- the movie was also probably sponsored by nokia and lego.. why? you ask.. all the phones that had their screen time were all nokia.. the 7610 series and the sort. they even used it to video the baddie driving off in his flashy car. ya. i wanted that cool phone. my fren val has it. she used it to stitch movie clips. very cool! but she says no need to buy it. cos i'll only play with it for like 2 weeks and than it is not cool anymore. well perhaps. the thing is that my company would have bought me that phone had i reached my sales target but i didnt.. so sad. well, i really got to prioritise my spending -- for instance pay that red reminder phone bill first? haha. no it was red reminder utilities bill. they implied that first, i would find that my water pressure would reduce subtly, and if i still dont pay up, i may endanger myself when i have shampoo in my eyes while in shower and there is no water to save me. oh, sonyericsson 500i is fighting heads on with nokia 7610? video cam and all? anyway-- pardon me.
ive had like dark circles around my eyes for eons but of late, i am BOTHERED. late nites,,,,
korean VCDs-- stairways to dunno what,, heaven i think. stairways to heaven sounds right.
k this korean drama.. cry cry cry.. ya. silly but still cry. why? anyway for this drama, the good episodes are the ones where lead actress has amnesia. after regaining memory, the cant-make-up-my-mind part is draggy.. i think the WORST thing that can happen to any lovers is to have your partner NOT REMEMBERING you. u see this love of your lifetime in front of you and he / she doesnt have as much of emotional connection to you as you have for her / him. then how? then how? WORSE than the person is dead right?
i had a dream like that once and i was devastated. he couldnt recognise me and thought that i was a passerby. shockingly scary.
oh btw-- the movie was also probably sponsored by nokia and lego.. why? you ask.. all the phones that had their screen time were all nokia.. the 7610 series and the sort. they even used it to video the baddie driving off in his flashy car. ya. i wanted that cool phone. my fren val has it. she used it to stitch movie clips. very cool! but she says no need to buy it. cos i'll only play with it for like 2 weeks and than it is not cool anymore. well perhaps. the thing is that my company would have bought me that phone had i reached my sales target but i didnt.. so sad. well, i really got to prioritise my spending -- for instance pay that red reminder phone bill first? haha. no it was red reminder utilities bill. they implied that first, i would find that my water pressure would reduce subtly, and if i still dont pay up, i may endanger myself when i have shampoo in my eyes while in shower and there is no water to save me. oh, sonyericsson 500i is fighting heads on with nokia 7610? video cam and all? anyway-- pardon me.
ive had like dark circles around my eyes for eons but of late, i am BOTHERED. late nites,,,,
korean VCDs-- stairways to dunno what,, heaven i think. stairways to heaven sounds right.
k this korean drama.. cry cry cry.. ya. silly but still cry. why? anyway for this drama, the good episodes are the ones where lead actress has amnesia. after regaining memory, the cant-make-up-my-mind part is draggy.. i think the WORST thing that can happen to any lovers is to have your partner NOT REMEMBERING you. u see this love of your lifetime in front of you and he / she doesnt have as much of emotional connection to you as you have for her / him. then how? then how? WORSE than the person is dead right?
i had a dream like that once and i was devastated. he couldnt recognise me and thought that i was a passerby. shockingly scary.
Friday, October 01, 2004
break time
people, im back. big project just over. now got some time to blog.
people im torn... my heart is so sian. love triangle stuff. not me la,
just..... people i know.
they say i dont know. they say that their case is different.
i think im gonna loose some friends. cos i dont agree.
between friends and between principles,,,,,, what do you
choose? if your friends are wrong..... do u condone?
people who are attached or married just shouldn't keep their partner
in the dark. especially so when the other party is your partner's
friend or a common friend. what kind of deal is this. sucks.
also, what others had done to you doesnt mean that you become
"ruleless" too. doesnt mean that you feel bad but you cant help it.
sucks again.
i dont know, dont ask me i am tired of thinking about this.
this is more tiring than work.
im gonna spill the beans. it is just not fair for the other person in the dark.
brace myself... i donno what's gonna happen now.
people im torn... my heart is so sian. love triangle stuff. not me la,
just..... people i know.
they say i dont know. they say that their case is different.
i think im gonna loose some friends. cos i dont agree.
between friends and between principles,,,,,, what do you
choose? if your friends are wrong..... do u condone?
people who are attached or married just shouldn't keep their partner
in the dark. especially so when the other party is your partner's
friend or a common friend. what kind of deal is this. sucks.
also, what others had done to you doesnt mean that you become
"ruleless" too. doesnt mean that you feel bad but you cant help it.
sucks again.
i dont know, dont ask me i am tired of thinking about this.
this is more tiring than work.
im gonna spill the beans. it is just not fair for the other person in the dark.
brace myself... i donno what's gonna happen now.
Monday, September 20, 2004
greater heights
this is one episode i appreciate.
last friday, i had an uncontrollable fury outburst.
i was so mad, it was beyond words.
my body shook uncontrollabily, my fists clenched,
i pounded on the desk till my wrist bruised.
i screamed and cried at the same time.
i could have punched the person unconscious if
she were in front of me. i might have even kill her.
really.
i was that angry. i was out of my mind.
it was pent up anger. i couldnt handle an unstable
mind. she was taunting and taunting me. she refused
to hang up the phone. she called to taunt and called
to taunt.
i dont have time for shit.
i said ok, go ahead and suit yourself, i've got work to do.
she refused to stop.
i went Berserk.
for the first time i unleashed on her.
no one deserves to be bullied. no one deserved to be taunted.
im washing my hands off you. we can sever all ties, i dont have
the energy for you. you are hurting yes, but i am sorry, i cant
handle you anymore.
i went berserk. i almost lost my mind.
i quit.
she called later. apologise. she didnt mean to. she's sick.
i know, i told her, i know.
she said sorry. i said ok. but im not taking ur shit anymore.
i wont be afraid of you anymore, i said.
she understood. half understood.
i told her, loving you is too difficult.
she said, i didnt ask you to love me. why do you want to
suffer?
i said, ya. im not suffering anymore. i have a choice.
i cant handle you, so, let's just let it be.
***
ive reflected on this.
im glad it happened.
i now know what rage is.
such height. such strength. such magnificence.
ive gotten it first-hand.
anger by itself is not a bad thing. it is what you do with it.
you can use it to fuel you plan. you can use it to drive you.
you can use it to hurt or harm, you can use it to heal.
to better understand yourself.
i have.
last friday, i had an uncontrollable fury outburst.
i was so mad, it was beyond words.
my body shook uncontrollabily, my fists clenched,
i pounded on the desk till my wrist bruised.
i screamed and cried at the same time.
i could have punched the person unconscious if
she were in front of me. i might have even kill her.
really.
i was that angry. i was out of my mind.
it was pent up anger. i couldnt handle an unstable
mind. she was taunting and taunting me. she refused
to hang up the phone. she called to taunt and called
to taunt.
i dont have time for shit.
i said ok, go ahead and suit yourself, i've got work to do.
she refused to stop.
i went Berserk.
for the first time i unleashed on her.
no one deserves to be bullied. no one deserved to be taunted.
im washing my hands off you. we can sever all ties, i dont have
the energy for you. you are hurting yes, but i am sorry, i cant
handle you anymore.
i went berserk. i almost lost my mind.
i quit.
she called later. apologise. she didnt mean to. she's sick.
i know, i told her, i know.
she said sorry. i said ok. but im not taking ur shit anymore.
i wont be afraid of you anymore, i said.
she understood. half understood.
i told her, loving you is too difficult.
she said, i didnt ask you to love me. why do you want to
suffer?
i said, ya. im not suffering anymore. i have a choice.
i cant handle you, so, let's just let it be.
***
ive reflected on this.
im glad it happened.
i now know what rage is.
such height. such strength. such magnificence.
ive gotten it first-hand.
anger by itself is not a bad thing. it is what you do with it.
you can use it to fuel you plan. you can use it to drive you.
you can use it to hurt or harm, you can use it to heal.
to better understand yourself.
i have.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
creative thinking
i read a tech & science article on how brain-imaging study suggests that human feel satisfaction when we punish others for bad behaviour. anticipation of this pleasure drives us to crack the whip, co-operate between genetically unrelated individuals in large group, division of labour to achieve punishment for those who have abused our trust or broken social rules.
this would make sense in relation to the news i read abt a group of people on the street beat a snatch-thief to death in malaysia. there had been many snatch-and-run cases on the street and many victims fell and hit their head and either die or were in comatose. public outcry and all, when one snatch-thief was caught, he was beaten to death...... so sad. it was like he was being punished on behalf of all the other thieves who went scot-free.
talk abt stealing.. my husband's motorbike had been tampered with. one nite he came home with a tube in hand.. someone pumped the petrol out of his motorbike tank. with that tiny tube, the fella transfered petrol out. poor economy perhaps. does that worry me? does that reflect the social-class of my estate? nah. im not bothered. i do feel sorry for the person who did that though. he/she must be desperate or maybe it was an emergency. that would be creative thinking. really. just pump some from the bike next-door. maybe he was late for work or something. talk abt creative thinking. i remember once when i was young,, sec 1, (ya, sec 1 IS young) anyway-- june holidays etc stayed with my cousins. we were locked out from the house, my aunt went shopping (it could take forever). we were locked out for a long time.. then i was "high-tide" high tight or high tide? it just means i have to PEE urgently. i said : "we HAVE to get in i wanna pee". they said: "no key! main door locked". so i went hunting for a key. know what i did? i removed the wire from the neighbour's bonsai plant. the wire what to shape the bonsai's growth. removed it slowly and i made it into a key. i really did open the door. it was out of desperation. i was gonna pee mah, i need go toilet. see? if u are caught in a very tight situation, you will find any means to make things happen. so i guess the person that took some petrol off the bike was in a tight situation. just like i was.
i have opened locked doors many times. with paper clips or wire. i dont like to do that but when my colleague forgot her keys and the boss went on MC and she needed desperately to get a document from the room or she may be fired................ i told her to stand guard and i'll open the door for her. but she has to promise she wont tell anyone. hahaha and now im telling u. =P
dont ask me to do it. ive lost the touch. drop ur idea. k im out of here.
this would make sense in relation to the news i read abt a group of people on the street beat a snatch-thief to death in malaysia. there had been many snatch-and-run cases on the street and many victims fell and hit their head and either die or were in comatose. public outcry and all, when one snatch-thief was caught, he was beaten to death...... so sad. it was like he was being punished on behalf of all the other thieves who went scot-free.
talk abt stealing.. my husband's motorbike had been tampered with. one nite he came home with a tube in hand.. someone pumped the petrol out of his motorbike tank. with that tiny tube, the fella transfered petrol out. poor economy perhaps. does that worry me? does that reflect the social-class of my estate? nah. im not bothered. i do feel sorry for the person who did that though. he/she must be desperate or maybe it was an emergency. that would be creative thinking. really. just pump some from the bike next-door. maybe he was late for work or something. talk abt creative thinking. i remember once when i was young,, sec 1, (ya, sec 1 IS young) anyway-- june holidays etc stayed with my cousins. we were locked out from the house, my aunt went shopping (it could take forever). we were locked out for a long time.. then i was "high-tide" high tight or high tide? it just means i have to PEE urgently. i said : "we HAVE to get in i wanna pee". they said: "no key! main door locked". so i went hunting for a key. know what i did? i removed the wire from the neighbour's bonsai plant. the wire what to shape the bonsai's growth. removed it slowly and i made it into a key. i really did open the door. it was out of desperation. i was gonna pee mah, i need go toilet. see? if u are caught in a very tight situation, you will find any means to make things happen. so i guess the person that took some petrol off the bike was in a tight situation. just like i was.
i have opened locked doors many times. with paper clips or wire. i dont like to do that but when my colleague forgot her keys and the boss went on MC and she needed desperately to get a document from the room or she may be fired................ i told her to stand guard and i'll open the door for her. but she has to promise she wont tell anyone. hahaha and now im telling u. =P
dont ask me to do it. ive lost the touch. drop ur idea. k im out of here.
Friday, August 27, 2004
october sky
i know it is outdated to be talking about "october sky" - the movie
but i will talk nonetheless. i will always talk abt movies that made me
cry. and this movie did just that twice. ya twice.
that could only mean that there is a part of me that hasn't fulfill its desire. what desire??!
havent u ever felt that u are meant to make a difference? or that u have not "arrived"?
honestly, have u?
i certainly have and that feeling is so damn strong and yet at the same time, i dont dare to consider it. i mean,. what if i think that i am meant to make a diff and then at the end of my life i didnt?? i would be so damn disappointed with myself. hence, is it better not to commit to something too altruistic or too big a magnititude? but i struggle, becos the desire doesnt die.
it has been there since young. so whenever i see a movie like october sky,,, i cry. becos a part of me is dying to serve. dying to make some good for us fellow people. dying to touch the hearts of ppe needing hope, light and love. to tell them that they can be whoever they wanna be and that i believe in them. to inspire them. very confusing right? i dont quite know why.
october sky is again, a movie based on a true story. Homer Hickam was a young boy in a 1950's mining town called Coalwood. his elder brother plays good football, has scholarship (and it is BIG deal) he is never a tough boy and is like a "cho bo" (do nothing teenager). one fateful nite in 1957, artificial satellite, Sputnik goes into orbit. Homer's jaws dropped. he cant think abt anything else except making rockets in his backyard. homer's father is the head of their small town coal mine co. very on, very strict. and his dream is for Homer to become a top-notch coal miner like him. (it was either u become a football player or a top-notch coal miner that makes u big deal, ya 1950s small town) so Homer suffers emotionally. his dad was never pround of him and homer hates the idea of being a miner. he feels that he is meant to make a diff. (see what i mean?) so he had lots of fights with his dad. many hurting exhanges. and his sch environment wasnt fantastic,, u know, sch principal thinks that u either become a football star, a coal miner or become a nobody. but there is this teacher who believes in her students. she encourages them to dream and dream big. blah blah blah, Homer & friends won the big deal science competition and he became highly sought-after. he eventually became an engineer at the NASA and he became the key personnel that shaped the history of rockets. (for real)
nice ending huh?
i hope u get a feel of it too.
; )
but i will talk nonetheless. i will always talk abt movies that made me
cry. and this movie did just that twice. ya twice.
that could only mean that there is a part of me that hasn't fulfill its desire. what desire??!
havent u ever felt that u are meant to make a difference? or that u have not "arrived"?
honestly, have u?
i certainly have and that feeling is so damn strong and yet at the same time, i dont dare to consider it. i mean,. what if i think that i am meant to make a diff and then at the end of my life i didnt?? i would be so damn disappointed with myself. hence, is it better not to commit to something too altruistic or too big a magnititude? but i struggle, becos the desire doesnt die.
it has been there since young. so whenever i see a movie like october sky,,, i cry. becos a part of me is dying to serve. dying to make some good for us fellow people. dying to touch the hearts of ppe needing hope, light and love. to tell them that they can be whoever they wanna be and that i believe in them. to inspire them. very confusing right? i dont quite know why.
october sky is again, a movie based on a true story. Homer Hickam was a young boy in a 1950's mining town called Coalwood. his elder brother plays good football, has scholarship (and it is BIG deal) he is never a tough boy and is like a "cho bo" (do nothing teenager). one fateful nite in 1957, artificial satellite, Sputnik goes into orbit. Homer's jaws dropped. he cant think abt anything else except making rockets in his backyard. homer's father is the head of their small town coal mine co. very on, very strict. and his dream is for Homer to become a top-notch coal miner like him. (it was either u become a football player or a top-notch coal miner that makes u big deal, ya 1950s small town) so Homer suffers emotionally. his dad was never pround of him and homer hates the idea of being a miner. he feels that he is meant to make a diff. (see what i mean?) so he had lots of fights with his dad. many hurting exhanges. and his sch environment wasnt fantastic,, u know, sch principal thinks that u either become a football star, a coal miner or become a nobody. but there is this teacher who believes in her students. she encourages them to dream and dream big. blah blah blah, Homer & friends won the big deal science competition and he became highly sought-after. he eventually became an engineer at the NASA and he became the key personnel that shaped the history of rockets. (for real)
nice ending huh?
i hope u get a feel of it too.
; )
Thursday, August 26, 2004
baring it all
Psychiatrists asked to comment on whether singaporeans are an honest lot, said that we generally are but when it comes to speaking the truth, we are mostly not honest with it. we do not want to speak from our minds as we generally do not want to deal with conflict. if we can save ourselves from discomfort why not just shut up? ha ha ha. is that true? a little bit of truth if you ask me, i for one do not like conflict but i have learnt to move out from that very comforting zone and speak my truth, be it sometimes blunt or plain pointless. there is this insecurity in me that i am always afraid that i might just offend someone... most of the times i am being overly sensitive as my presumed situation is not real. so i ask myself why am i so worried abt getting into people's black book? i've learnt to reflect upon myself more often than ever and i deal with my insecurities one by one. so that i can be free and just be me. i owe myself that dont you think?
i have to tell u i like my job.. at least for the time being i like it. we are going to pitch for a project.. it is a musical ,, u know broadway kinda musical. our client has a budget of $300K for this project and this musical is just so,,, "jia yu hu xiao" u know-- it is a household piece, i bet EVERYONE knows the theme song be it whether u are 2 or 92. tell u when we successfully get the commission to run it. u know how much celine dion earns? her live shows at las vegas is at contract price $100 mil. ya 100 million and that is US not sing$. is that wow or WOW WOW WOW. do u know the magnitude of having a million dollars a hundred times? and that is just a contract price. think abt how else she is worth. money aside, i like her, u know, faith, determination, confidence, social contribution, having a cause, filial piety etc. i must start thinking on contract terms, instead of dreaming abt toto. i will still dream abt winning at toto but that will be my bonus. u cant blame me for having faith in winning the jackpot. i was once one number away from being a millionaire. close shave huh? closing up the gap im sure.
u know,, my new lecturer for this module is a greenhorn. i am soooooooo damn bored at her lessons i would rather pluck ur white hair. ya it is cheap to ask me pluck, one successful strand cost u only 10cents. only if it's white. if ive got a black one out, then im sorry. it doesnt really matter. plus im quite good at it. see how much nonsense i can think of. ya, i would rather peel something than sit in class... it is boring. she tells us abt her master prog etc 1000 times she said she has masters but she uses words like "a rose" for "arouse" and nowsadays for nowadays. and said "re-examine again" so how many times is re-examine again? four times to be exact. of course i dont mind anyone speaking like that as im not proficient it english language as well, it's just that bragging thing that doesnt quite match the delivery. full of angst me. i told my sch administrator that i dont know if i should feel sorry for the greenhorn lecturer or i should feel sorry for us having to put up with her. i hope she doesnt penalize me for giving honest feedback, well i would know when i get my project back. my grades would tell. haha.
k lunch time over liao. talk tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
grandpa's birthday
my grandpa is 84
we go to his birthday party every year in july at this
teochew restaurant called "ah hoi"
not that ah hoi restaurant at traders hotel
this ah hoi is authentic at chinatown.
it is really a funny arrangement, a very commercial arrangement.
u see, if grandpa doesnt have his BD party, he'll be very hurt & sad.
but no one is willing to pay $1500 for the whole event
and no one is willing to split the bill to say-- 3 or 4 shares.
so everyone pays their share.
it is standard $50 per head, so everyone pays for their own head
and give an ang bow to grandpa.
if i were grandpa, i would say -- no need dinner, just give me the
$50 cover charge and the regular ang bow.
at least he can make 1500 more right?
but 1500 and no gathering? no family gathering? no quality time?
come to think of it,,, i think grandpa is the one paying for us
since we all minus the $50 from the ang bow we could have given.
eg: i wanted to give grandpa $150. but becos i got to pay for the dinner,
i gave him $100 instead. so silly.
i've never heard of such commercial arrangement except from my family.
that's my family.
***
see the other photo
Liew Lian Ong!
i like him. corny and that show is funny.
that jingle sticks to me.. liew lian onnng.
i like the other "bad" ah beng in the show.
i saw him at bugis doing a roadshow. he's emcee.
good voice he has. almost went up for autograph.
ah bengs are very interesting people.
k, got to go. do assignment.... DEADLINE LIAO
no stress no stress. no no no.
we go to his birthday party every year in july at this
teochew restaurant called "ah hoi"
not that ah hoi restaurant at traders hotel
this ah hoi is authentic at chinatown.
it is really a funny arrangement, a very commercial arrangement.
u see, if grandpa doesnt have his BD party, he'll be very hurt & sad.
but no one is willing to pay $1500 for the whole event
and no one is willing to split the bill to say-- 3 or 4 shares.
so everyone pays their share.
it is standard $50 per head, so everyone pays for their own head
and give an ang bow to grandpa.
if i were grandpa, i would say -- no need dinner, just give me the
$50 cover charge and the regular ang bow.
at least he can make 1500 more right?
but 1500 and no gathering? no family gathering? no quality time?
come to think of it,,, i think grandpa is the one paying for us
since we all minus the $50 from the ang bow we could have given.
eg: i wanted to give grandpa $150. but becos i got to pay for the dinner,
i gave him $100 instead. so silly.
i've never heard of such commercial arrangement except from my family.
that's my family.
***
see the other photo
Liew Lian Ong!
i like him. corny and that show is funny.
that jingle sticks to me.. liew lian onnng.
i like the other "bad" ah beng in the show.
i saw him at bugis doing a roadshow. he's emcee.
good voice he has. almost went up for autograph.
ah bengs are very interesting people.
k, got to go. do assignment.... DEADLINE LIAO
no stress no stress. no no no.
Friday, August 06, 2004
national day
i don't feel very nationalistic today
i need to go NDP to feel nationalistic on
National Day.
but please, i am nationalistic okay
it is just that im not warmed-up this year.
maybe i haven't been catching on the
NDay fever from TV or something.
k, k pointless talking to me right?
****
talk about being pointless talking to me.
many frens told me flat in the face that
i am crappy.
"full of crap" they said.
but they laugh.
they are in denial. they do agree that i have a point
but they may just be too surprised to respond.
let me launch my "pointless" chronicle on NDay.
***
~ pointless series ~
while shopping for my 2nd pair of pumps at URS & Inc,
a sign on the shelf read "shoe soles made of pig's skin"
(something to that effect la, i may not remember
exact text)
i wonder if the 2 malay promoters at the the store
could "handle" the shoes, since it is made of...
you know,,,, pig's skin. i think it's rude if i ask
them... u think so?
i need to go NDP to feel nationalistic on
National Day.
but please, i am nationalistic okay
it is just that im not warmed-up this year.
maybe i haven't been catching on the
NDay fever from TV or something.
k, k pointless talking to me right?
****
talk about being pointless talking to me.
many frens told me flat in the face that
i am crappy.
"full of crap" they said.
but they laugh.
they are in denial. they do agree that i have a point
but they may just be too surprised to respond.
let me launch my "pointless" chronicle on NDay.
***
~ pointless series ~
while shopping for my 2nd pair of pumps at URS & Inc,
a sign on the shelf read "shoe soles made of pig's skin"
(something to that effect la, i may not remember
exact text)
i wonder if the 2 malay promoters at the the store
could "handle" the shoes, since it is made of...
you know,,,, pig's skin. i think it's rude if i ask
them... u think so?
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
tribute
here's a contribution from an old pal.
“read your blogspot.
lingered over the part that u shared with your new friends
and memories of similar moments that we shared flooded my mind.
really missed those moments that seemed so recent upon
refreshment and yet at the same time appears so long
time ago, almost buried with me in grave if i'm in one
now.
it's conflicting thoughts, memories, emotions and
longings like these that unsettles me at times. as
much as i wish for times of the past, it is
impossible, given the kind of life i lead now. it is
not that my present life is not worthy or less
fullfilling. it's just........different. i made the
decisions i've made so should just look forward and
not back. but being human, it's only natural that i'm
contradicted within at many a times.
well, just sharing fragments of my thoughts with u.
now i can almost visualise my daughter in future
experiencing those similar fun times i had and
relating them to me. i'll probably be responding with
a smile and sigh at the same time, recalling my own
fun girlie times with especially u at zouk after a few
drinks.
love,
uptown girl”
***
k, old frens, new frens, when you laugh, cry or simply
just connect with me, we just connect.
im not going anywhere.
in fact, ive made a point to live in such a way that if i were
to die the next moment, you would know that i’ve lived
my best.
my best effort to connect to u,
my best effort to experience life in my own ways,
my best effort to contribute to our specie
and
my best effort to be both so full of love and vengeance at the same time.
(think fight club).
people,
i love u and i love me-self.
i am human. i love, i hate, i get angry at things.
i laugh at myself all the time. and i cry when i feel pain + sadness.
i dont like it when the ppe "worship" william hung,
i think that they are laughing at him, not with him.
i fight for very small things,
i fight for a voice to represent you.
+ me
so people
live ur life. and thank you for loving me.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
people
i was watching this chinese *Gong Li* movie till 3am
i dont know the tittle, 3am slot is not prime time
they dont flash the show tittle after commercial breaks.
btw, it is not surprising that macdonalds took all the first
commercial slot,, singing "im gonna have big breakfast..blah"
at 2am till wee hours. im lovin it. ha.
ok-- that movie.
that movie made me cry.
a little.
it was set in 1844 era, china, beijing
GongLi in that movie started out young,
as young servant serving a lady prostititute.
i think her chracter is named "shi li"
one day shi li's lady courtsean ran away and
the brothel boss promoted her to become a pro.
she hated it but took it as there isnt much hope on
surviving out there on the streets anyway.
on her first nite as a pro, she dreaded it.
she was soul-less and was plainly hateful with life.
then came all the ah-pek customers (uncles).
they had an important function that nite, with a young
army personnel (the VIP). a learned and refined man
shi li was asked to sing.
she shocked everyone with her "male opera" opening.
everyone's jaws dropped and tension was in the air.
the VIP smiled.
he said "wow, such strong vocals you have"
he fell in love with shi li and took her as his wife.
they rented a small apartment
had it as their love nest
and had such wonderful moments, hand-in-hand
strolling in the park.
ocassionally they had some ppe ridicule them since
shi li was from the brothel
but they held on
his love was good enough
they wanted to have children but as the years went
by,, shi li couldnt concieve.
then she remembered that she had taken the "fruitless" tea
to make her infertile, the nite she supossedly was to become a
pro.
shattered but not broken,
she invited her husband's first wive to their house.
she locked her husband out of their bedroom and
have him concieve with the first wive.
he wanted children and shi li wants him to have them too.
***
along the same time,
shi li took up painting.
she could sketch and paint very well.
her husband thought that it was a harmless pastime
and let her persue it.
there were very few artist in china then.
once,
there was an outrage and uproar when the street people
came charging into their art school and destroyed their
work pieces.
the street people was hateful becos the students were
drawing nude models.
they insulted the students as sluts and whores and
thrashed all of them. bashed up their teacher too.
the art school had to disband
shi li didnt give up
she finds that the body is a very beautiful piece of art
body, to her is soulful and simply godily
once when she was at the public bath-house (like our modern spa)
she secretely sketch the women there
one of them spotted her and they all lashed out on her
they said "go fcuk yourself and draw ur own naked tits"
hey why not? -- shi li thought
since she couldnt get models, she posed and drew herself
from the mirror.
***
years gone by
shi li has become a professor at the art university in china
she is much respected by her students but not her male
colleagues.
they still call her *bitch* sometimes.
shi li just turns a deaf ear. who cares? it doesnt hurt her.
shi li's husband was just as loving and supportive of her.
that nite before she has her own art exhibition,
shi li's husband saw the nude portraits.
"is that you!!??" he asked.
yes (shi li)
oh god, cant you just draw anything or anyone else?!
are you such a whore inside?!!
oh god that hurts. (shi li)
in the end, shi li moved to france where her work
is not an issue.
***
they lived seperately for many many years
till their hair's gone white,
their bodies bent,
they lived apart.
***
one big fire killed shi li's husband.
shi li lived on a few more years in france
having more exhibitions before eventually dying with age
***
it was a real story. a drama-biography. that's why i cried.
people with their narrow minds should just go get fcuked.
but then, it was 1844.
how are we doing
now that it is 2004.
i dont know the tittle, 3am slot is not prime time
they dont flash the show tittle after commercial breaks.
btw, it is not surprising that macdonalds took all the first
commercial slot,, singing "im gonna have big breakfast..blah"
at 2am till wee hours. im lovin it. ha.
ok-- that movie.
that movie made me cry.
a little.
it was set in 1844 era, china, beijing
GongLi in that movie started out young,
as young servant serving a lady prostititute.
i think her chracter is named "shi li"
one day shi li's lady courtsean ran away and
the brothel boss promoted her to become a pro.
she hated it but took it as there isnt much hope on
surviving out there on the streets anyway.
on her first nite as a pro, she dreaded it.
she was soul-less and was plainly hateful with life.
then came all the ah-pek customers (uncles).
they had an important function that nite, with a young
army personnel (the VIP). a learned and refined man
shi li was asked to sing.
she shocked everyone with her "male opera" opening.
everyone's jaws dropped and tension was in the air.
the VIP smiled.
he said "wow, such strong vocals you have"
he fell in love with shi li and took her as his wife.
they rented a small apartment
had it as their love nest
and had such wonderful moments, hand-in-hand
strolling in the park.
ocassionally they had some ppe ridicule them since
shi li was from the brothel
but they held on
his love was good enough
they wanted to have children but as the years went
by,, shi li couldnt concieve.
then she remembered that she had taken the "fruitless" tea
to make her infertile, the nite she supossedly was to become a
pro.
shattered but not broken,
she invited her husband's first wive to their house.
she locked her husband out of their bedroom and
have him concieve with the first wive.
he wanted children and shi li wants him to have them too.
***
along the same time,
shi li took up painting.
she could sketch and paint very well.
her husband thought that it was a harmless pastime
and let her persue it.
there were very few artist in china then.
once,
there was an outrage and uproar when the street people
came charging into their art school and destroyed their
work pieces.
the street people was hateful becos the students were
drawing nude models.
they insulted the students as sluts and whores and
thrashed all of them. bashed up their teacher too.
the art school had to disband
shi li didnt give up
she finds that the body is a very beautiful piece of art
body, to her is soulful and simply godily
once when she was at the public bath-house (like our modern spa)
she secretely sketch the women there
one of them spotted her and they all lashed out on her
they said "go fcuk yourself and draw ur own naked tits"
hey why not? -- shi li thought
since she couldnt get models, she posed and drew herself
from the mirror.
***
years gone by
shi li has become a professor at the art university in china
she is much respected by her students but not her male
colleagues.
they still call her *bitch* sometimes.
shi li just turns a deaf ear. who cares? it doesnt hurt her.
shi li's husband was just as loving and supportive of her.
that nite before she has her own art exhibition,
shi li's husband saw the nude portraits.
"is that you!!??" he asked.
yes (shi li)
oh god, cant you just draw anything or anyone else?!
are you such a whore inside?!!
oh god that hurts. (shi li)
in the end, shi li moved to france where her work
is not an issue.
***
they lived seperately for many many years
till their hair's gone white,
their bodies bent,
they lived apart.
***
one big fire killed shi li's husband.
shi li lived on a few more years in france
having more exhibitions before eventually dying with age
***
it was a real story. a drama-biography. that's why i cried.
people with their narrow minds should just go get fcuked.
but then, it was 1844.
how are we doing
now that it is 2004.
Monday, July 26, 2004
akan datang
sometimes I feel bad about coming to work
you know why?
it doesn’t feel like work
well,, it is pressurizing no doubt
deadlines are stressful
when u need to have media for press and print,,,
your printer is awaiting ur corrections
you are awaiting ur designer’s corrections
your designer is doing many other jobs, not just yours.
everyone is waiting for every one
when u race with time,
Time wins.
***
why is my work not like work?
it’s an agency.
a marcom agency.
it takes care of other people’s (companies’) image,
PR and it launches campaigns + conferences.
there is no, do this do that. There is only do what u do best.
i like it cos I don’t have to check with my boss on everything.
basically, when the company makes money, I make money.
im an “associate”
no job security, no strings attached.
everyone here came together and put our intellect + skills in use.
no one’s gonna gurantee u salary
or pay u while u fall sick
such unconventionally happening place
is accessible for those who step over.
let’s see where I branch from here.
Give me 365 days to update u.
i will tell u when I make a big break so please dun ask
of course when u suspect I had made a big break,
u can ask me privately
Akan datang
you know why?
it doesn’t feel like work
well,, it is pressurizing no doubt
deadlines are stressful
when u need to have media for press and print,,,
your printer is awaiting ur corrections
you are awaiting ur designer’s corrections
your designer is doing many other jobs, not just yours.
everyone is waiting for every one
when u race with time,
Time wins.
***
why is my work not like work?
it’s an agency.
a marcom agency.
it takes care of other people’s (companies’) image,
PR and it launches campaigns + conferences.
there is no, do this do that. There is only do what u do best.
i like it cos I don’t have to check with my boss on everything.
basically, when the company makes money, I make money.
im an “associate”
no job security, no strings attached.
everyone here came together and put our intellect + skills in use.
no one’s gonna gurantee u salary
or pay u while u fall sick
such unconventionally happening place
is accessible for those who step over.
let’s see where I branch from here.
Give me 365 days to update u.
i will tell u when I make a big break so please dun ask
of course when u suspect I had made a big break,
u can ask me privately
Akan datang
crazy people
i just read my cousin's blog
www.whatthesheet.blogspot.com
so damn funny
but not funny also
4 persons went holiday
one hyperventilated while diving
one nose bled after diving from cliff
one almost drown from doing smart ass gymnastic stunt
one parachute almost didnt open while doing a 13000 ft plunge from the plane
what else you guys !!??
wait till mom (sss) read this and we'll see what is funny.
www.whatthesheet.blogspot.com
so damn funny
but not funny also
4 persons went holiday
one hyperventilated while diving
one nose bled after diving from cliff
one almost drown from doing smart ass gymnastic stunt
one parachute almost didnt open while doing a 13000 ft plunge from the plane
what else you guys !!??
wait till mom (sss) read this and we'll see what is funny.
get what you want
i totally apologise to all my frens who cant get enough of me..
i am sorry I keep saying I’ll call u tonite but I didn’t
i really am timeless.
please bear with me a while… my nite course will end in JAN next year.
of course I don’t mean that I’ll call u next year, I mean that I’ll call u asap
when I can chat with you and not rush on a conversation.
i am a “people” person.
i meet people all the time.
even my lunch hour is to have a quickie meet-up with my new frens at far east square
i used to sell beer there. I mean beer brewing kit.
www.ibrew.com.sg
i helped a fren run his push cart business in may.
supposed to appear in the news but they edited me out.
(i was posing as customer at the stall)
made new frens at far east square.
one’s selling bikinis + beach wear + apparels
another two girls are selling shoes shoes and more shoes.
very Jap & Korean styles. Dainty and unique.
this bunch of new frens love karaoke.
one sings very well, almost like any pop idol,
but most of the time we either cry or laugh ourselves crazy.
i was the only one that cried la. Just one of those songs.
they like those 5 Ten games while I like guessing games.
i feel that their games are too complicated while they feel
my games are sophisticated.
they taught me a dice game. Complete with the shaker mug.
almost like pro gambles.
we played all sorts of games in the name of beer.
they don’t know that I don’t drink beer.
in fact I don’t do karaoke too.
but for them, i will.
most of the time they just like to drink and laugh like crazy.
It’s funny.
they find it funny that I sing rock songs.
isn’t it all boring to have ALL love ballets
some rock will bring live and jive
maybe that’s why they like me so much.
i rock, dance and laugh at myself.
the few times that we were there, they STOLE the WHOLE carton
of chips from the staff counter.
i shouldn’t use “they” since I am part of the group.
that makes me an accomplice.
Ok, so, WE stole the whole carton of chips.
we would eat only our favourites.
the “pillow” (orange square puffy chip)
and
the “ah neh” (Indian flavoured elongated chip)
i think they would give us more chips for free but we don’t want all chips
we only want our favourites
in life, u got to know what u want.
sieve out what u dont want and just GET WHAT YOU WANT
i am sorry I keep saying I’ll call u tonite but I didn’t
i really am timeless.
please bear with me a while… my nite course will end in JAN next year.
of course I don’t mean that I’ll call u next year, I mean that I’ll call u asap
when I can chat with you and not rush on a conversation.
i am a “people” person.
i meet people all the time.
even my lunch hour is to have a quickie meet-up with my new frens at far east square
i used to sell beer there. I mean beer brewing kit.
www.ibrew.com.sg
i helped a fren run his push cart business in may.
supposed to appear in the news but they edited me out.
(i was posing as customer at the stall)
made new frens at far east square.
one’s selling bikinis + beach wear + apparels
another two girls are selling shoes shoes and more shoes.
very Jap & Korean styles. Dainty and unique.
this bunch of new frens love karaoke.
one sings very well, almost like any pop idol,
but most of the time we either cry or laugh ourselves crazy.
i was the only one that cried la. Just one of those songs.
they like those 5 Ten games while I like guessing games.
i feel that their games are too complicated while they feel
my games are sophisticated.
they taught me a dice game. Complete with the shaker mug.
almost like pro gambles.
we played all sorts of games in the name of beer.
they don’t know that I don’t drink beer.
in fact I don’t do karaoke too.
but for them, i will.
most of the time they just like to drink and laugh like crazy.
It’s funny.
they find it funny that I sing rock songs.
isn’t it all boring to have ALL love ballets
some rock will bring live and jive
maybe that’s why they like me so much.
i rock, dance and laugh at myself.
the few times that we were there, they STOLE the WHOLE carton
of chips from the staff counter.
i shouldn’t use “they” since I am part of the group.
that makes me an accomplice.
Ok, so, WE stole the whole carton of chips.
we would eat only our favourites.
the “pillow” (orange square puffy chip)
and
the “ah neh” (Indian flavoured elongated chip)
i think they would give us more chips for free but we don’t want all chips
we only want our favourites
in life, u got to know what u want.
sieve out what u dont want and just GET WHAT YOU WANT
Monday, July 19, 2004
Saturday, July 17, 2004
dirty * old * man ?
Jonathan is a globetrotter. he is perpetually on the plane,
either in shanghai, beijing, dalian or off to spain to get me wine.
no la, he's off to work. he'll get me the occassional wine or
liqour chocolates.
right, im blessed with many friends.
****
last nite Jonathan was somewhat troubled.
he met this hot young girl at...beijing. he's not those who'ld normally
fall for a sweet young thing, in fact, he had never.
but as u know, "yuan-fen" has it that we'll more likely to face the "never" we had said earlier.
u know, when we say "i'll never blah blah blah la la la"
we often have to eat it later.
so never say never.
anyway, jonathan is in love with this china girl who just turned 21.
he asked if i would see him as a DOM.
"dirty old man" he whispered, in case anyone was listening.
he? a dirty old man? nar, i said, no i dont think so.
"but she's eleven years younger" "does that make me a DOM?"
nar... i dont think so.
let me think,,, i know of a fren whose husband is 16 yrs her senior.
i know of a fren who married my boss who is 14 yrs his senior.
does that make her a cradle snatcher?
nar... im a sucker for love. i love to see people in love.
black, white, brown, yellow, young and supple, old and wrinkled, match or mis-matched, straight or gay... i love seeing ppe in love.
that is my only business.
i would go on double date with gay couples.
why not? have u known any gay couples?
they invite me to their weddings. their homes.
that's how much i love my frens.
what about u?
either in shanghai, beijing, dalian or off to spain to get me wine.
no la, he's off to work. he'll get me the occassional wine or
liqour chocolates.
right, im blessed with many friends.
****
last nite Jonathan was somewhat troubled.
he met this hot young girl at...beijing. he's not those who'ld normally
fall for a sweet young thing, in fact, he had never.
but as u know, "yuan-fen" has it that we'll more likely to face the "never" we had said earlier.
u know, when we say "i'll never blah blah blah la la la"
we often have to eat it later.
so never say never.
anyway, jonathan is in love with this china girl who just turned 21.
he asked if i would see him as a DOM.
"dirty old man" he whispered, in case anyone was listening.
he? a dirty old man? nar, i said, no i dont think so.
"but she's eleven years younger" "does that make me a DOM?"
nar... i dont think so.
let me think,,, i know of a fren whose husband is 16 yrs her senior.
i know of a fren who married my boss who is 14 yrs his senior.
does that make her a cradle snatcher?
nar... im a sucker for love. i love to see people in love.
black, white, brown, yellow, young and supple, old and wrinkled, match or mis-matched, straight or gay... i love seeing ppe in love.
that is my only business.
i would go on double date with gay couples.
why not? have u known any gay couples?
they invite me to their weddings. their homes.
that's how much i love my frens.
what about u?
Sunday, July 11, 2004
reverse - engineering
i was at bangkok last month.
i didnt bring shampoo cos it was easy to get one there and cheap.
at their seven-eleven..it's a store and more,
i bought this nice looking packaged shampoo.
the brand was say.. "sunshine" (*name has been changed to protect company)
not bad, quite good in fact. not drying to the hair.
works like the "follow me- green tea series"
i use it alternatively cos it felt a wee too mild for me.
**fast forward 3 weeks later, back in SIN**
i was checking out at the cold storage cashier.
hey, isnt this "sunshine" shampoo?? but it is not called sunshine
here. it is the island wide, household brand OOO.
recently they just launged the TV ads.
?? ok, maybe they name it differently. of course different market
segmentation they have to position the prodt different. this is
my blood, marketing.
** fast forward one more week **
i was at a friend's office. they do creative prints, u know-- packaging
and the regular print ads.
sitting at one corner were these bottles of "sunshine" shampoos.
"what's this doing here? did desmond design this?" i queried.
"ya he did" his wife (also his partner) replied.
"i didnt know it is by OOO, i bought it from BKK and it was "sunshine" there"
"no signs of OOO, did they want to create a new brand?"
"ya, they wanted it to be "sunshine" here, but they realised that it doesnt work
so they stuck to the big brother brand OOO"
so dear frens, u see?
it doesnt matter what they name it. they would just name it
anything we consumer would like to call it.
when sales is going north, they need to do a prodt life-cycle extension.
throw in a new formula, revamp the packaging, the colours, the name.
keep the big bro brand or have a sub-brand.
work backwards, find out what the ppe like,
name it what they like, make it look accepting.
have TV ads. it doesnt matter what they put on their scalp.
when u're at backstage, u'll know the sketch.
i didnt bring shampoo cos it was easy to get one there and cheap.
at their seven-eleven..it's a store and more,
i bought this nice looking packaged shampoo.
the brand was say.. "sunshine" (*name has been changed to protect company)
not bad, quite good in fact. not drying to the hair.
works like the "follow me- green tea series"
i use it alternatively cos it felt a wee too mild for me.
**fast forward 3 weeks later, back in SIN**
i was checking out at the cold storage cashier.
hey, isnt this "sunshine" shampoo?? but it is not called sunshine
here. it is the island wide, household brand OOO.
recently they just launged the TV ads.
?? ok, maybe they name it differently. of course different market
segmentation they have to position the prodt different. this is
my blood, marketing.
** fast forward one more week **
i was at a friend's office. they do creative prints, u know-- packaging
and the regular print ads.
sitting at one corner were these bottles of "sunshine" shampoos.
"what's this doing here? did desmond design this?" i queried.
"ya he did" his wife (also his partner) replied.
"i didnt know it is by OOO, i bought it from BKK and it was "sunshine" there"
"no signs of OOO, did they want to create a new brand?"
"ya, they wanted it to be "sunshine" here, but they realised that it doesnt work
so they stuck to the big brother brand OOO"
so dear frens, u see?
it doesnt matter what they name it. they would just name it
anything we consumer would like to call it.
when sales is going north, they need to do a prodt life-cycle extension.
throw in a new formula, revamp the packaging, the colours, the name.
keep the big bro brand or have a sub-brand.
work backwards, find out what the ppe like,
name it what they like, make it look accepting.
have TV ads. it doesnt matter what they put on their scalp.
when u're at backstage, u'll know the sketch.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
"lao shi, lao shi, ni kan!" (Teacher, Look!)
in case u're wondering where ive been this week,
ive become a school teacher and was busy.
i thought, since im gonna be a teacher for abt 2 weeks,
before i start, i better go on a local holiday.
what's that?!?
go get a chalet la.
$39 at costa sand downtown east (former ntuc resort)
with 2 adult tickets to wild wild wet. (i always call it wet wet wild)
that's cheap. very cheap.
but i didnt manage to go www. becos it was YOUTH DAY 5 JULY
and it was packed.
well, i'll go on 23JULY, the day when im off work.
my last day at the child care is 22nd.
*****
there is this boy, CG, in my class.
i was warned that he was the naughtiest boy in school.
i was fore-warned he would bully new teachers. blah blah blah.
no. i dont believe that. i dont like discrimination and labelling.
especially when he is only 3.
CG is a different boy. he cant understand u like any other 3 year olds.
when he is obsessed, there's no stopping.
u cant discipline him like any other, he wont remember and doesnt know.
i dont think he knows danger.
he is frightful of simple things, like a yellow plate or a dried leaf.
he doesnt speak much, only -- "eeemmp" and other noises
most of the time, he plays alone.
since he dont know how to share, he is often in fury fights.
ive always had a soft spot for the "minor, unrepresented, misunderstood lot"
i hate injustice and i would, within my means, break any system that fosters it.
so on day one, i vowed that i would help CG integrate into his class.
day two, i coaxed him to sleep (nap time), i gave him his drink,
i fed him lunch (he cant sit still to eat) and i fixed his toy gun.
day three, CG rushed to fetch my shoes before we left to go outdoors.
that shows he has some concept in his mind. he is capable of understanding.
we need to go into his world.
so u could imagine why im elated when he finally spoke in comprehenable
sentence : "di di, di di! ni kan! xiao niao" he was pointing skyward to
the bird flying by.
"im not di di (younger brother), i am lao shi (teacher)"
he changed his text: "lao shi, lao shi! ni kan! xiao niao"
*smile*
he IS capable of understanding. we just need to give him TLC.
tender loving care -- that ought to be the pre-requisite of any teacher.
ya ya, maybe im NEW. but hey no. that should be the pre-requisite of any
teacher. i say.
ive become a school teacher and was busy.
i thought, since im gonna be a teacher for abt 2 weeks,
before i start, i better go on a local holiday.
what's that?!?
go get a chalet la.
$39 at costa sand downtown east (former ntuc resort)
with 2 adult tickets to wild wild wet. (i always call it wet wet wild)
that's cheap. very cheap.
but i didnt manage to go www. becos it was YOUTH DAY 5 JULY
and it was packed.
well, i'll go on 23JULY, the day when im off work.
my last day at the child care is 22nd.
*****
there is this boy, CG, in my class.
i was warned that he was the naughtiest boy in school.
i was fore-warned he would bully new teachers. blah blah blah.
no. i dont believe that. i dont like discrimination and labelling.
especially when he is only 3.
CG is a different boy. he cant understand u like any other 3 year olds.
when he is obsessed, there's no stopping.
u cant discipline him like any other, he wont remember and doesnt know.
i dont think he knows danger.
he is frightful of simple things, like a yellow plate or a dried leaf.
he doesnt speak much, only -- "eeemmp" and other noises
most of the time, he plays alone.
since he dont know how to share, he is often in fury fights.
ive always had a soft spot for the "minor, unrepresented, misunderstood lot"
i hate injustice and i would, within my means, break any system that fosters it.
so on day one, i vowed that i would help CG integrate into his class.
day two, i coaxed him to sleep (nap time), i gave him his drink,
i fed him lunch (he cant sit still to eat) and i fixed his toy gun.
day three, CG rushed to fetch my shoes before we left to go outdoors.
that shows he has some concept in his mind. he is capable of understanding.
we need to go into his world.
so u could imagine why im elated when he finally spoke in comprehenable
sentence : "di di, di di! ni kan! xiao niao" he was pointing skyward to
the bird flying by.
"im not di di (younger brother), i am lao shi (teacher)"
he changed his text: "lao shi, lao shi! ni kan! xiao niao"
*smile*
he IS capable of understanding. we just need to give him TLC.
tender loving care -- that ought to be the pre-requisite of any teacher.
ya ya, maybe im NEW. but hey no. that should be the pre-requisite of any
teacher. i say.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
the "mole" DNA
my family has this “mole” DNA
only my paternal family.
almost every one of us has a mole somewhere.
and almost every one went to remove it.
i don’t like that (the mole i mean)…
somehow, a mole is not cool to me.
my maternal family doesn’t has the mole DNA.
but both my sis & I have moles.
pigments would win non-pigment genes.
i have one growing just four years ago.
It is now on my upper lip, the moustache area..
a tiny bump.
i think im getting rid of it pretty soon
but i would have to avoid the sun,
monitor the scar, risk scarring my face..
it would still be better than having that mole i think.
ppe say that to have a mole around ur lips
means that u'll have enough to eat.
or that u've got the gift of the gap.
but actually, i read the face-decode-book that says
for a woman, it means u're Promiscuous
maybe im meant to be promiscuous.
i've always felt more like a man.
in fact, im in many ways, more like a man.
ok ok dont freak.
so ya, i dont like the mole that has popped up.
if i do get it off, i might add an ornament on
my brow.
i want to get my eyebrows pierced. so that i can
wear some kinky rings to work. i'ld like that.
i have said that i would do it when i weigh 47kg.
that's why i havent got it on yet. ah hahaha.
really. im serious.
maybe when, u know, we become skinnier when we
age,, perhaps when im sixty i would weigh 47.
im sure i would still remember the agreement i
have with myself. then i'll get it pierced.
well,, maybe if i go see my beautician more
often i'll weigh 47 in no time.
she does slim wrap. it's effective.
first she'll strip u half naked,
apply suana cream,
mummify u.
and u sleep under termal blankets for
abt 45mis.
it's abt $120 per session.
i signed up a lot last year. i was 47
last year.
that's becos i was a bride.
u know, a bride would do almost anything
to look Fabulous.
i felt too cheated to use back the same
beautician.
she whispered to me "u know, if u sign
up another 10 sessions i can give u cheap."
how much? i asked.
$60 per session.
*fcuk
she's been over-charging me for months.
i like her product.
she has this machine that would send
electric currents to ur facial muscles
and twitch them. ur face would be lifted.
i know it works and i witness it.
i like that best. but i dont wanna go
back to her.
she's a liar.
u know why?
she tells every one that she has 2 children.
then every one would go "wow! how do u still
look so good?!"
then she'll sell her prodts.
the fact is that she has one kid and that
her kid is very grown already. she had her
kid when she was in her teens. and she doesnt
have another baby like she said she has.
she told me honestly that it was sales talk.
*fcuk
i dont like ppe who lie. intentionally.
so ya,,, im looking for another beautician
that has the same machine, charges $60
and doesnt lie.
pls recommend me one. eternal__sunshine2311@hotmail.com
only my paternal family.
almost every one of us has a mole somewhere.
and almost every one went to remove it.
i don’t like that (the mole i mean)…
somehow, a mole is not cool to me.
my maternal family doesn’t has the mole DNA.
but both my sis & I have moles.
pigments would win non-pigment genes.
i have one growing just four years ago.
It is now on my upper lip, the moustache area..
a tiny bump.
i think im getting rid of it pretty soon
but i would have to avoid the sun,
monitor the scar, risk scarring my face..
it would still be better than having that mole i think.
ppe say that to have a mole around ur lips
means that u'll have enough to eat.
or that u've got the gift of the gap.
but actually, i read the face-decode-book that says
for a woman, it means u're Promiscuous
maybe im meant to be promiscuous.
i've always felt more like a man.
in fact, im in many ways, more like a man.
ok ok dont freak.
so ya, i dont like the mole that has popped up.
if i do get it off, i might add an ornament on
my brow.
i want to get my eyebrows pierced. so that i can
wear some kinky rings to work. i'ld like that.
i have said that i would do it when i weigh 47kg.
that's why i havent got it on yet. ah hahaha.
really. im serious.
maybe when, u know, we become skinnier when we
age,, perhaps when im sixty i would weigh 47.
im sure i would still remember the agreement i
have with myself. then i'll get it pierced.
well,, maybe if i go see my beautician more
often i'll weigh 47 in no time.
she does slim wrap. it's effective.
first she'll strip u half naked,
apply suana cream,
mummify u.
and u sleep under termal blankets for
abt 45mis.
it's abt $120 per session.
i signed up a lot last year. i was 47
last year.
that's becos i was a bride.
u know, a bride would do almost anything
to look Fabulous.
i felt too cheated to use back the same
beautician.
she whispered to me "u know, if u sign
up another 10 sessions i can give u cheap."
how much? i asked.
$60 per session.
*fcuk
she's been over-charging me for months.
i like her product.
she has this machine that would send
electric currents to ur facial muscles
and twitch them. ur face would be lifted.
i know it works and i witness it.
i like that best. but i dont wanna go
back to her.
she's a liar.
u know why?
she tells every one that she has 2 children.
then every one would go "wow! how do u still
look so good?!"
then she'll sell her prodts.
the fact is that she has one kid and that
her kid is very grown already. she had her
kid when she was in her teens. and she doesnt
have another baby like she said she has.
she told me honestly that it was sales talk.
*fcuk
i dont like ppe who lie. intentionally.
so ya,,, im looking for another beautician
that has the same machine, charges $60
and doesnt lie.
pls recommend me one. eternal__sunshine2311@hotmail.com
Friday, July 02, 2004
while you were sleeping...
have you ever, on a working day, slept till 10am?
ya. i did. on my interview day, as well as on my
last day of work, which is.. today.
what kind of impression is that?!!?
i think i would have gotten fired if i worked anywhere
else.
but no, not true.
at my previous work place, i was that kind of late
emm... three times? well, 3 times in 6 years is not
a bad record. it is 0.006% lateness record.
as much as i dont wanna admit, im aging...
i work in the day and have my nite class at nite.
my course hours are 6-10pm. by the time i get home,
shower, read the newspaper (i have no time to read
in the morning ok), have a hot cuppa of honey,
pack my bag (ya, i have this undying habit of
packing my bag like i would pack for a school day--
i am very systematic, i would empty my bag,
and pack my stuff neatly) ya, by the time i hit
the covers, it would be past 1am. do you know that
12am is still "today"?
ok let me tell u this really funny thing..
earlier this year, my ex-company was closing
down. the last day of operation was 31 MARCH 2004.
all contracts and stuff were to stop at 12midnite.
they instructed singtel to kill all tel lines on
12midnite, 31 MARCH 2004.
very direct and precise instructions rite?
wrong!
come 31 march, every one happily went to work
for the last day of their lives at the office.
nothing was working. no line no nothing.
in the end, they had to call singtel to reinstate
the lines, and to terminate it on 1APR midnite.
when the clock is 00:00 it is still the SAME DAY.
until it goes 00:00:01, then it is next day.
then why is 12.00 AM?? from 11:59PM it should
just got to 12:00PM or 12:00MM or something.
we would use AM when it is 12.01
having PM turned AM does not make it "the next day"
00:00:01 - 23:59:59 - 00:00:00 is ONE DAY
00:00:01 is NEXT DAY
11.59pm is one day. 12.00am is the SAME DAY
12.01am is the NEXT DAY
SO WHY THE HELL ARE WE COUNTING DOWN TO 12.00am
for "HAPPY NEW YEAR" when 12.00AM IS THE SAME
DAMN DAY!!? we should wait for 12.01.01 before
we scream next time. you know,, ten-nine-eight
....three-two-one,,wait, (pause for one sec)
then, happy new year.
anyway-- back to me aging.
so ya, i am aging... that's why i overslept.
ya. i did. on my interview day, as well as on my
last day of work, which is.. today.
what kind of impression is that?!!?
i think i would have gotten fired if i worked anywhere
else.
but no, not true.
at my previous work place, i was that kind of late
emm... three times? well, 3 times in 6 years is not
a bad record. it is 0.006% lateness record.
as much as i dont wanna admit, im aging...
i work in the day and have my nite class at nite.
my course hours are 6-10pm. by the time i get home,
shower, read the newspaper (i have no time to read
in the morning ok), have a hot cuppa of honey,
pack my bag (ya, i have this undying habit of
packing my bag like i would pack for a school day--
i am very systematic, i would empty my bag,
and pack my stuff neatly) ya, by the time i hit
the covers, it would be past 1am. do you know that
12am is still "today"?
ok let me tell u this really funny thing..
earlier this year, my ex-company was closing
down. the last day of operation was 31 MARCH 2004.
all contracts and stuff were to stop at 12midnite.
they instructed singtel to kill all tel lines on
12midnite, 31 MARCH 2004.
very direct and precise instructions rite?
wrong!
come 31 march, every one happily went to work
for the last day of their lives at the office.
nothing was working. no line no nothing.
in the end, they had to call singtel to reinstate
the lines, and to terminate it on 1APR midnite.
when the clock is 00:00 it is still the SAME DAY.
until it goes 00:00:01, then it is next day.
then why is 12.00 AM?? from 11:59PM it should
just got to 12:00PM or 12:00MM or something.
we would use AM when it is 12.01
having PM turned AM does not make it "the next day"
00:00:01 - 23:59:59 - 00:00:00 is ONE DAY
00:00:01 is NEXT DAY
11.59pm is one day. 12.00am is the SAME DAY
12.01am is the NEXT DAY
SO WHY THE HELL ARE WE COUNTING DOWN TO 12.00am
for "HAPPY NEW YEAR" when 12.00AM IS THE SAME
DAMN DAY!!? we should wait for 12.01.01 before
we scream next time. you know,, ten-nine-eight
....three-two-one,,wait, (pause for one sec)
then, happy new year.
anyway-- back to me aging.
so ya, i am aging... that's why i overslept.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
doctor & their nurses
i've never seen a happier nurse.
i was at SATA for my employment check up.
the place is neat, systematic, efficient.
step ONE
"take off your shirt and bra" said the male nurse.
he is a philippino. courteous and tan.
i obliged.
"are you pregnant? no?"
"emmm.. i dont think so,, no"
then he took a picture of me, braless.
of course lah, he's taking an X-tray of my chest.
step TWO
"are you having your mensus?"
"no? ok go toilet and give me your urine.
not the first part, just throw away the first part.
too concentrated"
me: ???
step THREE
"squeeze this, i need your blood"
2 tubes.
my precious blood was DARK. dark like
my favourite nail polish. i miss that
vampish colour.
step FOUR
this young, cutie big eyed malay nurse
was prancing around.
you know,,, perky butt, walking on toes,
skipping lightly
holding files tightly to her chest.
she emerged from the doc's office like
she has just got a dream date with her man.
it's 10 in the morning and she is already
so happy. i think she'll last the whole
month.
"beep**' #117 to room 4.
"good morning doc" i said.
oh, he is very fair for a malay / indian
(i cant remember which)
spoke gently but firm. an air of success.
"everything's ok with you?" he asked
while pressing on my tyres (tummy tyres).
pressing, not pinching ok! im not on
pinch-fat-test.
"yap" i said.
"ok. you can go"
"bye" i said, smiling to him and his
prancing young nurse.
they were too busy to take another look
at me.....
i was at SATA for my employment check up.
the place is neat, systematic, efficient.
step ONE
"take off your shirt and bra" said the male nurse.
he is a philippino. courteous and tan.
i obliged.
"are you pregnant? no?"
"emmm.. i dont think so,, no"
then he took a picture of me, braless.
of course lah, he's taking an X-tray of my chest.
step TWO
"are you having your mensus?"
"no? ok go toilet and give me your urine.
not the first part, just throw away the first part.
too concentrated"
me: ???
step THREE
"squeeze this, i need your blood"
2 tubes.
my precious blood was DARK. dark like
my favourite nail polish. i miss that
vampish colour.
step FOUR
this young, cutie big eyed malay nurse
was prancing around.
you know,,, perky butt, walking on toes,
skipping lightly
holding files tightly to her chest.
she emerged from the doc's office like
she has just got a dream date with her man.
it's 10 in the morning and she is already
so happy. i think she'll last the whole
month.
"beep**' #117 to room 4.
"good morning doc" i said.
oh, he is very fair for a malay / indian
(i cant remember which)
spoke gently but firm. an air of success.
"everything's ok with you?" he asked
while pressing on my tyres (tummy tyres).
pressing, not pinching ok! im not on
pinch-fat-test.
"yap" i said.
"ok. you can go"
"bye" i said, smiling to him and his
prancing young nurse.
they were too busy to take another look
at me.....
Friday, June 25, 2004
what am i doing !!!?
gosh i hate my job.
how can i say that!??
sharks i hate my job.
ive been retrenched.
retrenchment and outsourcing are new vocabs in this economy.
nothing new really, it's been happening for the last couple
of years. companies are breaking down their business operations
and outsourcing to contractors. no need fix overheads like
medical cost, leave, bonusus, insurance, can just hire and fire
depending on performances.
call centres toll free numbers are at JB, philippine or india for that matter.
you get the automated machine that prompts you from A to Z.
you give feedback that never gets channelled.
just yesterday-- my fren got so mad with singtel when she called
to re-schedule the technician fixing the wireless adsl stuff she subscribed to at home. she's got to pay 30 odd dollars for postponing the schedule becos the technician is "their contractor" and with less than 3 days' notice on any change in time, you've got to pay. of course after some reasoning, singtel said they'll reimburse the fee. REIMBURSE. means your 30 odd dollars gets into the pocket of their contractor for a month or so and you get reimbursed later. all to who's convenience? what happened to good old customer service?
here am i doing temp. after about a decade of working,
ive been axed. fret not though, im versatile.
k...... im no good at tele sales.
i can talk, and im good at selling something i believe in.
but i can't take those gatekeepers rejection.
see, we've got workshops that are valuable to most CEO, COO, VP & GM. they've got the foresight and understands that our programmes would add value to their business. but most often then not, they've got that PA or dept executive that think they know better.
"nope, Mr Chin Tua Liap is not interested in any workshops. Not now or ever."
"are you sure?" ah haha. i didnt ask that la.
but really, can they speak on behalf of their bosses?
ya ya blah blah, their bosses are too busy to read too many letters they've got.
but ive got a mission to help change the world. !!
i mean, hey, you know-- when the bosses attend our workshops, they get new insights, they implement creative strategies, their business operations get efficient, they become happy bosses = happy work environment = happy staff, who then become happy mothers, happy fathers, happy brothers, sisters, neighbours, happy strangers. and it starts with me.
blah blah.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
there is something about xia xue
i got addicted to xia xue's blog last year.
it's been a year of addiction. i read her
as and when i lay my hands on the 8th wonder
ie: the world wide web, aka: whole wide world.
she's the queen of blogger, like the queen bee.
she's cool, smart, funny and kind. contrary to
maybe some of her blodgers' belief. i speak like
i know her but no.. i dont know her personally.
im a decade older than her. and i still find her
witty and fun. perhaps it is the qualities that
im attracted to: openess, courage, passion in life
and just being oneself. daring to be ridiculed,
being controversial. being honest. and living life.
www.xiaxue.blogspot.com
it's been a year of addiction. i read her
as and when i lay my hands on the 8th wonder
ie: the world wide web, aka: whole wide world.
she's the queen of blogger, like the queen bee.
she's cool, smart, funny and kind. contrary to
maybe some of her blodgers' belief. i speak like
i know her but no.. i dont know her personally.
im a decade older than her. and i still find her
witty and fun. perhaps it is the qualities that
im attracted to: openess, courage, passion in life
and just being oneself. daring to be ridiculed,
being controversial. being honest. and living life.
www.xiaxue.blogspot.com
eternal__sunshine
i would love to blog my heart out.
i've always wanted to blog but thought that im too old for this.
i didn't think i would be confident enough, smart enough or good enough. but hey... im digging too much into myself. so i asked:
"what would happen if i blog?"
A:"well, i get to try something ive always imagined or wondered about,, maybe make a little fool of myself or get laughed at"
Q:"what have you got to loose?"
so, here am i, before i get 90 and wished that i had blogged.
these are just some things that i wanna do. for fun.
if you're listening out there, thanks.
i've always wanted to blog but thought that im too old for this.
i didn't think i would be confident enough, smart enough or good enough. but hey... im digging too much into myself. so i asked:
"what would happen if i blog?"
A:"well, i get to try something ive always imagined or wondered about,, maybe make a little fool of myself or get laughed at"
Q:"what have you got to loose?"
so, here am i, before i get 90 and wished that i had blogged.
these are just some things that i wanna do. for fun.
if you're listening out there, thanks.
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